193 - Euphoria
Is it possible when life is changing more rapidly than one can accommodate to feel euphoric? Is that a natural reaction to calamity?
I am not sure...but yesterday, on my morning hike, I was in awe of pretty much everything. It was a beautiful sprummer (spring + summer) morning. Everything is in bloom which my allergies try to dampen my enjoyment, but I refuse to allow it. There were some low lying clouds that made the mountains that surround the valley mystical and awe inspiring. As I walked my usually route, I was amazed at the quality of the air, the care taken to ensure that this very special place is preserved.
I was filled with immense gratitude. For me, when hiking, I can tell how much the gratitude is soaking in by how many photos I am inspired to take...I am not a good slow downer as we already know, but when I am in awe, it is easy to stop my pace and take a photo to share and post so that others may enjoy the vista.
I felt euphoric yesterday. Just completely in line with the universe. The intelligence that created the space, the light, the views, the flora and the fauna. It didn’t last all day but that hike was memorable because I was there, I was present. I was seeing it all, experiencing it and loving it.
At one point, I almost felt like crying it was so beautiful. Nature does this to me often, so does ballet, a beautiful piece of music, a tenderness witnessed. It makes me feel like I am part of it. It is shared not just to my senses, but that I am a part of the whole.
Euphoria is not something that I feel often. It is an exceptional feeling that requires a lot from the experiencer. I had to really be there. I had to shut down all the noise in my head. I had to see it all with fresh eyes. Euphoria, for me, means feeling it as you are living it.
It was a great hike. It buoyed me for the day. It helped me navigate some tricky work situations. It helped me have compassion for someone in my life that I find exceptionally challenging. It helped me be grateful for the life that I have right now.
I hike the same trail everyday. I am a creature of habit. I like walking the same path and noticing the changes that occur daily. I like seeing the woman and her dog. I like stopping to talk to her across the street and hear what her day is like. I like seeing her smile. Yesterday she was going to pretend to be a younger person, I suggested 25, which made her laugh since she will be 80 soon. Recently, someone has taken to creating cairns on the path. Little rock formations that are precariously balanced. They are like rocky offerings of delight along my well worn route. I don’t know who is doing them, I am just so grateful that they are. I love finding them. I admire the patience and dedication. I feel an almost reverence for them.
Like any other feeling, euphoria doesn’t last. It is not sustainable. It is not something that can be manufactured or controlled. It comes in its own time and leaves of its own accord. Which is totally ok by me. I am changed because of its arrival as much as I am changed by its departure. Mostly, I am grateful to feel today. There was a time when the only thing I felt was angry. Where all of my emotions were honed down to this trio of emotional bandwidth: anger, fear and resentment. I still feel those feelings today but they are not the show stoppers they used to be. They are not the foundation of my emotional life anymore.
Today, I have cleared the emotional frontier so that there is space for feelings like euphoria to arrive and join me on a hike...and with that memory, I can feel it again and again and again which is fucking fantastic. My wish is that you may find euphoria somewhere in your day today and that you let it touch you, really get to you. And that feeling change you while you participate in the crazy madness of your life.