Another Fucking Growth Opportunity...for those of you not in the know.
Do I REALLY need ANOTHER program to help me live a non-fucked up life? Apparently, the answer to that is YES. With a lot of exclamation points.
I don’t want to do MORE work, except I do. Because I see there is work to be done. And I am that person, the worker, the do’er person. I want to get better. To find out why I do what I do and how I can have a better relationship with myself...and in so doing, have a better relationship with others.
I am grateful to see them, the growth opportunities, that is. But I will also admit that I am so tired of being in this place of me constantly being the problem. I want to claim progress and I would really like to sit back and relax and enjoy my life, except I can’t because I am there fucking it up...again.
So I land here in this place where I see that I have more inside work to be done and I am reluctantly doing it. But I AM doing it. It isn’t easy and I grow weary from always being the problem, but I am committed to seeing myself for who I am and working it through so that I can reside a little easier and more lovingly inside my own body, mind and spirit.
I am grateful for all the growth that has gotten me this far. My life, even though it is hard at the moment, is better than it has ever been. And that is because I have chosen, repeatedly, when those AFGO show up in my life, to take them. To rise to the occasion, as they say, and to do the fucking work. While I don’t really enjoy it all that much, doing the work presented to me is so much better than not doing the work and suffering.
I have learned that work is inevitable but suffering really is optional. I do need a certain level of discomfort to get me motivated. And I can even see progress there. I used to need a 2x4 upside my head, repeatedly. Now, I can’t stand that kind of pain. I get to work much faster with simple, good, old discomfort as my main motivator.
And that is some progress right there. An incentive to take advantage of all my current AFGOs. Get busy doing the deal, working my shit out and owning that dysfunction that belongs to me and allowing others to do the same. I can’t change them. I can only change me, but I know from experience that if I change me, then the THEM will also change. I will outgrow those people and relationships that require me to stay in that tight little ball, my job is just to continue to unfurl...
I think of all spiritual growth like a fern. I love ferns. I kill them all too regularly so it is my service to all fern kind to not buy them anymore. But I love them. And I love their tiny tendrils. I love the way they open.
I am the fern plant, with all the little off shoots. Each one, growing up and out, then relaxing into a beautiful arc as I open and lay bare myself to whatever new truth comes with my effort. This imagery makes it less scary for me. More peaceful. I, like the fern on the forest floor, am to allow that which is natural to continue to come into being, to grow the shoots of new life, and then allow them to gently fall into their rightful place. Unfurling, one tendril at a time. And marveling at this most amazing ability I have that often initially lands in my consciousness as another fucking growth opportunity. And so the loop is completed once more.