I am not a good flyer. I bring way too much shit, need way more space than they give me, do not enjoy talking to my seat mates but feel badly about not giving two fucks about the human sitting next to me. I hate the dry air that makes me feel like my eyes are drying out like someone with leprosy who has long ago forgotten they need to blink. I cannot get comfortable in my very limited seat space. I cannot sleep sitting up, and if I lean my head to the side, I either completely fuck my neck for a month or the person next to me says something like, “Hey DO YOU MIND?” To which I always reply, “Nope! But apparently you do.” Kidding, I would never touch a stranger on purpose or even accidentally on purpose.
This afternoon I am flying first class. It is a fluke and likely won’t be repeated ever again in my life. However today, I am fucking doing it. And I can’t wait! Only one seat mate. Bigger seat and more space. The excitement I feel is in line with the holiday season and is very much making me Merry and Bright.
I have decided that I should really only travel by private jet. I have had the pleasure of doing that a couple of times and it is the fucking way to go. If I ever make it big, and who am I kidding, I will never make it big unless those lottery tickets I buy every week finally give me a return on my investment...I am private jet flying forever because it is fucking AMAZING! A car drives you out onto the tarmac and then someone grabs your luggage that you didn’t have to pay to take with you and then you just walk on the plane. Then you can pick whatever seat you want and there is plenty of space, and snacks! The snacks are similiarly AMAZING. And I know that it was this one work trip on a client’s private jet that ruined me forever. Once you see how the other half lives, it is hard to sit in coach. Like really.
But for the first leg of my journey eastward today, that is where I am. Parked next to the window, penned in by two sleeping college students that likely haven’t slept this much in months. At least they are quiet and not chatty. I am so fucking tired myself that I would not be a good conversationalist today...ah, who am I kidding, I am not a good conversationalist on planes ever. I think it is because if you strike up a conversation then you are stuck with the awkwardness of either having to talk to them the entire flight or starting to talk and then stopping which is weird too. And I am one of those people who complete strangers tell me things...like personal things. The last time I went East the older woman sitting next to me told me her entire life story about her life with her autistic daughter that had a penchance for tossing things on the roof of their house. At the end of the flight I wasn’t sure if I should hug her or bill her for the therapy I did, without a license.
On the current flight , I am sitting in the first row back from first class and so I can see the privilege that awaits me on my second leg. And while I am looking forward to it, right now I am trying to stay awake, which is why this writing is all over the place and really more of a rant than writing. So I am attempting to enjoy the time back here is good old coach which is where I have resided most of my life. And while I sit here cramped and in desperate need to get up and walk, I am finding that I am actually content here with the masses. We are all the same, longing for better accommodations, when in reality, we have never had it so good.
It helps me to remember when I am longing for something that just isn’t meant for me or is currently out of reach, that there are many, many people that would give up a lot to have my current life circumstances. So it is with realizations like this, that I surrender to the now once more and find gratitude and peace in my current life. Right here, right now. I can and am grateful for my life as it is right now, nothing needs to be added for my happiness, not even private jets or first class seats. Because I know that private jet travel and first class tickets do not make me happy but connecting with other people, being present for them to share their happiness or pain, as the case may be, is the best use I can think of for my life. Again, still.
I have now so motivated myself that I am gonna wake the kid up next to me and see if he wants to chat...Kidding. I feel the love for my fellow man but I am happy to share the silence, instead of conversation today.
