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  • Writer's pictureeschaden

Being Adored...

For me, there is nothing like returning home to make me feel more adored.  When I come in the door, whether I have been gone for a couple of hours, or day, or even weeks, I am greeted.  Sometimes the greeting I receive is overwhelming, like the dogs almost knock me down.  Sometimes they are better behaved and they just bounce all around me.  And the cats, the cats are not cat like.  They have no cool nonchalance.  They, too, let me know that they have missed me.  Angus, gets in my way whatever I am doing, Seamus follows me around just waiting for me to sit down so that he can purr and love all over me. Skotch is a bit more standoffish, but even he patiently waits his turn and then lets me know that I was in fact missed by him.  Skunk and Minnie act like I have been gone for decades and are always extremely happy to see me:  Skunk waits until I get into bed and then purrs and loves on me and sleeps on top of me all night long.  Minnie  pursues me like I am some sort of grand prize.


I will admit, that sometimes I arrive home in a state that is not prepared for all the love and attention I receive.  I have now started to mentally prepare myself for it.  I mean, they want what they want and I am lucky to have five cats that behave more like dogs then they do cats.  Right now, I am surrounded by three cats and a dog.  Angus is still playing hard to get...but I know the only reason he didn’t sleep on me last night was because Skunk had already taken up that particular post.


I may not ever find a man that adores me, but I have struck the pet lottery for sure!


And I can admit that feeling adored is something that I need.  Not that I want, but that I need.  Perhaps this makes me a bit narcissistic, but I need all the love and adoration I get every single day.  And I reciprocate, in fact, I will take some credit that all of my pets are the way they are because of me and the way I love them.  Each one coming to me without effort on my part, just small foundlings that I took in and loved up from the beginning.  And this would be the reason that I love animals more than people.  They seem to appreciate the things you do for them and they are loving most of the time.  Sure, Angus bites me when I hold him too long but it is never mean spirited.  The dogs are excited to see me every single day of my life.


And perhaps this relationship I have with animals is why I have such a hard time in human relationships.  Most humans have more going on than my pets.  And most humans are not dependent upon me for their survival (thank God for that!). I just see the animals needs as being far less overwhelming than that of other humans.  I think I also know where I stand with animals better than people because animals don’t change their minds so easily, they seem above the fray of fickleness that most people I know are plagued with...myself included.


And it isn’t a one way street.  They adore me because I adore them.  They love the way they do because they are safe, well cared for and adored every single day.  My daughter and I are both obsessed with Angus.  I am not sure why he more than the others gets heaped on the love and mild pathological obsession...but he does.  And he loves it and he knows that we feel this way about him and he lords it over us until he just can’t help himself anymore...then in the cover of night he descends and gives us all he’s got.


And as I look at these foundational, every day relationships I have with my pets, I see that all the ingredients are there:  love, service, adoration, affection, dedication, fidelity, understanding, grace, respect and sacrifice.  And I am in awe of the sustenance of these most basic loving relationships...the sustenance I bring and what they respond with...it is truly life affirming.


Life is pretty good sometimes.  I look around and the inventory I take allows me to see that I have way more blessings than I realize.  That I am adored every single day of my life and I have multiple outlets to offload all this love that I have in my heart that I often do not know what to do with.  And I also value the equality of my relationships with these animals.   I mean, there isn’t really equality.  They depend on me for everything:  food, shelter, attention, affection.  And I realize that I am at my best when I have these types of relationships.  I was a very good mother to my children as infants.  When they were helpless I was selfless.  But I find that as they aged and became more independent, I didn’t do such a great job.  We conflicted.  I wanted to take care of them and they wanted to do it themselves or at least wanted me to do it another way than I wanted to do it.  And that is where things got much harder.


And perhaps this might be a reason I am currently having so much trouble in my human relationships.  I don’t know how to love with any kind of independence.  I just know this possessive, dominating way of loving when I am the caretaker and you are the person being taken care of.  I don’t love this dynamic and often become quite resentful about the paradigm I set up from the beginning. See in human relationships I am super giving but there is always this expectation that I will sooner or later receive something in return.  And I really don’t have that expectation of my pets.  They are never going to help with the laundry, I mean, quite to the contrary, they make folding clothes or changing the sheets infinitely more difficult.  I do absolutely have the expectation that my children, a partner or even a house guest is going to not sit around and be waited on hand and foot.  And perhaps that is where it all goes wrong...it is in seeking the balance that I fail.


The free flow of love I get from and give to my animals is free from expectation.  I don’t expect much from them and they totally trust that I will take care of their every need...and somehow this great imbalance works.  However, when I get over into humans and relating to them, it all falls apart mostly BECAUSE of expectations...and the adoration wanes and flickers and slowly dies.


I have no solutions to offer this morning.  Just musings as to the nature of my relations and what I bring to the table.  And gratitude for the love I receive daily from these furry menaces I live with.  The love and adoration abounds here and I relish being here with them every single moment of my life.


Again...still.




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