Chickenshit Neighbors...

I got in my car the other day and was driving down the road, when I noticed there was a note under my windshield wiper...a note!  Who does that in today’s world?

I will admit, I thought, quite wrongly, “ohhh, maybe someone saw me and likes me...maybe it is that cute guy at the gym...”

Nope.  

I do not have that kind of luck.

No instead of being a love note, it was a chickenshit note from one of my neighbors.  They were writing to tell me that my rooster was disturbing their peace and they wanted it gone asap. Then they went on to say that they, of course, wanted me to find it a good home and then gave me two weeks to make this happen.  Then they very magnanimously gave me until the end of the month...

No name. No contact information.  Just a note scribbled onto a tiny sheet of paper with their most salient points underlined, like a teenager.  Oh and a threat that if I didn’t comply to their timeline, they were going to call the county on me.  It was creepy and weird.  And annoying and a total chickenshit move in my opinion.  If you have a problem with me or something I am doing, come TALK to me for fuck’s sake.

If this “neighbor” who was not behaving very neighborly, would have TALKED to me they would know the following:

I did NOT willingly get roosters.

I did in fact PAY EXTRA TO NOT GET ROOSTERS!

I, in fact, GOT TWO FUCKING ROOSTERS DESPITE ME PAYING EXTRA TO NOT GET ANY FUCKING ROOSTERS

Napoleon (he is the most annoying one that crows all the fucking time) BOTHERS ME TOO!

I did not want and do not want roosters

I have been trying to find them homes...but NO ONE WANTS FUCKING ROOSTERS!

So when you find yourself in the place I am in, you have a couple of choices:

Find them homes, if you can, and that is very hard to do and takes a lot of time.

Kill them, by either actually killing them or driving them out to some remote place and dropping them off so they can be killed by something else...

Buy straps on Amazon to stop their crowing which feels mean and wrong, and not likely to work

Give them away to the cock fighters that are always looking for roosters for their blood sport on Craigslist

Because I am who I am, I only have one choice.  Find them homes.  Which I am trying to do!  Like every single day.  I don’t know if I will meet my “neighbor's” self created deadline or not.  I am trying.  I already called the county, by the way, to find out what the deal is and what is allowed and not allowed.  And much to my surprise since I have lived in Meiner’s Oaks since 2010, roosters are NOT allowed here.  Despite the fact that I hear one crowing in the neighborhood every single day, and this was long before I had my own problematic little fuckers.

So dear “neighbor” I already called the county on myself.  So you can rest easy and not bother yourself with me and my rooster issue any more.  I am working on it.  They will be gone as soon as I can find them a safe place to go where their existence is welcomed and allowed.  I appreciate your patience and understanding that I am dealing with a problem that I didn’t want and did my best to avoid but find myself here nevertheless...

And since we are “talking” do not trespass on my property to put cryptic little notes on my car.  I can call the police for that and they are way scarier than the county.  If you have an issue with me, have the decency to bring it up to my person.  Do not resort to little school girl notes and threats.  It is immature and involves trespassing.  Oh and also,  my ring camera will catch you and then I will have proof of your trespass.  Just giving you a head’s up...

It is sad that we live in a world today where this is the status of our neighbors.  No benefit of the doubt.  No polite conversations that are designed to resolve problems instead of creating new ones.  No as a society we have become cryptic little chickenshit note leavers instead of actual neighbors.  And it is actually quite funny because I am pretty sure I know which one of my neighbors would stoop to this kind of behavior.  The one that I have written about previously...several times.  So in all your clandestine attempts to keep your identity a secret, you outed yourself anyway.  Also the underlining of particular words was also a dead give away from your previous correspondences of years ago.  At least this one was written in pen and not crayon like the last time.

I am working on the rooster problem.  And have been since BEFORE you sent your little missive.  I think I have found them homes.  Actual homes that will not kill them or fight them to the death.  I am working to meet your unilateral end of the month “gracious” deadline.  But I am sure you have already called the county and will expect them here in short order.  Because that is what chickenshit neighbors do...decide on their own who you are and what you are doing and why. Instead of asking and getting the truth, you just make it up to fit your narrative, again, still...

So that is the scoop from the coop...just doing my best to crow my feelings and thoughts since my neighbor doesn't have the decency to ask how I might have come to find myself in this ineviable position...

Turns out there is something more annoying than roosters crowing all the fucking time...apparently the only thing louder than my unintended and unwanted roosters is my neighbor's self righteous indignation...and to that I say, "cock-a-doodle doo mother fucker!"

And I interviewed Dude and Napoleon and they declined to comment showing yet again that animals are better than people, myself totally included.