I am in this process, this process of curating my life. I have always been doing this, I suppose. But I didn’t know I was, until more recently. We are all doing it, but very unmindfully and unintentionally. Which is sad. Because now that it has become more purposeful and intentional, it has made such a huge shift in my life.
Before this idea hit me, before it actually landed in my mind, that that is what life is supposed to be about, to be what we are doing...I just eked out an existence. Lived my life as if I didn’t have a clue, because I didn’t. I just grasped for one thing, person, man, date, food, thing, experience after another, all in this mad quest to make me feel better. And looking back, I didn’t feel all that badly to begin with. I mean there were times, but really what I think I was seeking was what I have found now. This life that is hand selected, moment by moment by me, for me, to me. With an intentionality that I become the best version of myself so that I can serve others. I can support, foster, grow, love others.
It is the manifestation of inner love radiated outward. And for the first fifty years, I tried, unsuccessfully, to do the opposite: live outward to make the inward ok. Doesn’t work, believe me, I tried it a million fucking times.
And I want to highlight that those first fifty years were not wasted effort, for me. Now, I am hopeful that writing about this may hit someone earlier in their lives so that they can begin curating their life earlier than I did, but that is the great thing about this idea and attendant process, you can start right now, it matters not at all whether you are 10, 50, 100. It is never too late or too early to begin.
And you do not need any specific training, or need to buy a book or manual, no supplements to buy or own or take. You have everything you need inside you right now to begin living your best life...curating your life. You have only to stop and be present enough with yourself that you honestly take stock and inventory of your life, who is in it, how that makes you feel and what it is you need/want.
Then begin, very selectively and with mediation and spiritual intention, to continue to be very honest with yourself. About why you are doing what you are doing, why you live where you live, who are your friends, how do you spend your time? What items do you surround yourself with, what food do you place in your body. What thoughts do you rather mindlessly entertain? What spiritual practice do you do and why?
These questions are your becoming. Well, they were mine. One of the best spiritual tools I have ever been given is inventory. The practice of honestly inventorying my life:
How am I physically?
How am I emotionally?
How am I sexually?
How am I spiritually?
And then be thoroughly honest with myself about my answers. To not lie to myself about myself. To really do the work to see who and how I really am in this life. And then to allow that truth, those truths, to permeate me. Discuss this process and attendant findings with someone who is familiar with spiritual principles and then truly allow what I find to sink in. Then to make intentional, thoughtful, hopefully spiritually based changes to my life.
It takes some courage, but not that much really.
For me, this process has been ongoing for the past twenty-seven years. Mindful awareness that begets results in my life. But it wasn’t until recently leaving my job that I saw this process, identified this process as a way of life. It isn’t new, I have been selecting and not selecting shit in my life for the whole of my life...but this curation, is a paradigm shift. It is changing the mindless, everyday tasks of living into a spiritual evolution of the soul, the mind, the body. It touches everything, every minute of every day.
For me, it has left me in love with my life. And also with myself. Not in a “I am so fucking great, I love me,” kind of way...no. That isn’t what I am talking about.
This curation process gives me this feeling, this loving feeling about myself and my life, “This is the only life I am sure that I am living right now, am I doing my best? If not, why? What can I do better for myself? How can I do better, live more intentionally so that I may help others I meet along the path?” All while walking gratefully through each day, remembering to say as often as I can, "Thank you, God. Thank you!"
This thought process has changed everything for me. Every single thing. From what I eat, to how I think, to what I do, to how I live in this world. It is simple really:
Inventory.
Apply spiritual principles of honesty, willingness and open-mindedness.
Change everything that isn’t congruent.
Repeat.
Daily.
It has resulted in me feeling like this life is really mine after an entire life time of feeling like it wasn’t. I lived for others, I did for others, so that I could receive, but the truth is that I never really did until I stopped that, and started living for myself.
Life is such a wonder every day. Some moments hard, tear laden, but they are mine. And I love them all. My long standing war with my emotions, beginning to be assimilated and I am no longer controlled by what I think. I know that I will have another thought, another feeling in five minutes, no need to worry, react or freak out. They are just feelings, or thoughts and they pass. And when placed upon this curation framework, they work for me and with me instead of against me.
Curation doesn’t provide a life that is pain free or issue absolved. It provides me a sense that it is all happening for me while it is happening to me, and each tiny, and not so tiny thing, helps shape me into the best version of myself I can possibly be. And that happens so that I can help others. It is always about service. Always. My life will never be great just for me to enjoy it, and if that is my goal, I believe that I have cheated everyone on the planet in the process.
We are here living these lives to learn and share with each other. To help ourselves so that we can help each other. To grow, to change, to love, to assist. This is the purpose of life.
Trust God.
Clean House.
Help Others.
Repeat.
