Day 194 -Nonchalance
Recently I have been watching a show, Dispatches from Elsewhere (it is fucking fantastic by the way) and this idea and concept of nonchalance kind of takes a central theme. I have to say that even though I like the word, knew what it meant, it was the kind of word that brought me up short...it was not a commonplace word and it felt foreign to me.
Even though I knew what it meant, I decide to look it up for further clarity: feeling or appearing casually calm and relaxed; not displaying anxiety, interest, or enthusiasm.
Now the show talks about divine nonchalance and it has taken me a bit to sort out what that might mean to me. I am not completely sure that I understand it honestly. But I think it has something to do with a feeling or a sense that we do not have to control everything and everyone. There is this force just beneath the surface of everything that is taking care of it all and it will all be ok. Some magical and unseeable force that allows things to unfold in a divine way where everything works out the way that it is supposed to.
The show has made me think. Made me think about how differently we all think about life; our reactions to life. How much we tend to fall into the followers or the rebellers. How much my life has been about both. However, recently, I have felt challenged, perhaps by divine nonchalance, to go beyond that and really inhabit my own life. Not the life you want me to have or that I am supposed to have but this life that is mine. Where I say what I feel, and think and I am authentic and real without allowing the external pressures to origami me into something else, some other version of me that is more acceptable to you.
The main characters of the show are archetypes that embody our methodologies for dealing with life. The dreamer who takes no action until he doesn’t even have any dreams anymore. Just a life that is safe and flat and not really worth living. The fearer who see everything in life as a threat and challenge. His life is hard and exhausting but he cannot rest until all the incongruities are resolved. The passerby or the person who lived a life but it wasn’t really her own. She had a great life by many standards but it was never truly her life, her life subrogated to that of living for others. She wakes up one day full of fear and regret only to see that she isn’t done yet and it is not too late to begin again. The horder who sees a good thing and must possess it, hold it, keep in and then profit from it. Everything good in life has a price tag and the way to make it in life is to eek out as much as you can from it until it has no meaning left. Finally, the reformer. The one that has to be true to herself no matter the cost, and there is great personal cost. But this is a lonely path because being true to oneself defines one outside the social circles.
We can all related to each. We have been them. Felt them. Been held back and pushed forward by each. We have all maintained an outward nonchalance to hide the inward shit show. So can one be nonchalant really? Is nonchalance always an act? Is this something that one can really embody?
I am thinking that one can’t without the divine part. That the divine makes the nonchalance real, our ability to maintain a cool and collected feeling about ourselves and our lives can only come from source. It isn’t something we can manufacture and sustain on our own. We get too tangled in our dreams, fear, regret and desire to really be nonchalant. But divinely guided we are provide a framework that allows us all to be calm and relaxed about whatever is occurring...
I have those moments in my life, I have those places where I am really ok. There are no big deals. The minutia remains minute and I am ok with it all. For me, this only comes with connection to source. Connection to something larger than myself. For me I can only maintain it by finding like minded people who want to join me on the path. Who want to talk about it with me and do deeds that are supportive of the way...who also believe in divine nonchalance. The more I say it, the more I like it.
I have this vision of walking through a field of flowers on a bright and warm day, running my hands over the tops of the flowers, there is a lot going on outside the field, off the path but I am freed from worry or concern about any of it. I am just walking through a field of flowers, almost idiotic in my presence. I am consumed by the moment. I am consumed by the divine occupation of the moment. I am casual and relaxed and chill. I can see all the activity but keep returning to the moment. And every time I am willing to return, I get to have the feeling of this nonchalance again. I get to be divinely nonchalant. I get to be free from my dreams, fears, regrets and desires. I get to just be. It isn’t an act. It is real. It is present. And it is available to me all the time. Surrender is how I get there. It is the price of admission. I won’t always be able to pay it, but I may always know how to get there, even if I chose not to go.
Today, I am going to tap into the divine nonchalance. I am going to do my best to follow the path and let it take me wherever it leads. I will trust in the spirit that underlies everything...the divineness that is all around me. I will tap into the nonchalance and allow myself to be laid bare to the world that exists right here. I will find magic and wonder here. Right now, in this moment that is divinely nonchalant.