So I don’t know about the rest of you but I am using my time in isolation wisely...I am getting to know me better.
Here is what I have learned so far...
My birth tree is Ash (um, ok), my birth herb (lemongrass, which I don’t even like and is ridiculous), my birth pearl is black (of fucking course!), my sassy road sign says “a little sunshine, a little hurricane” (we already knew that), my angel wings reveal that I am not angelic (again, already knew that), my life’s song is "I will Survive" (which is oddly comforting right now), I am not a narcissist (132% empath despite the fact the math doesn’t work), my core personality trait is honesty (so be careful what you ask me), my dominant trait is a fighting spirit (um, so watch yourself), the song that was written about my life is "Let It Be" (which would have been really helpful to know like five decades ago...I thought my life’s song was I Got To Move It, Move It), apparently, despite my Buddhist teachings, I am 136% likely to snap and kill someone (so don’t piss me off), I am only 28% likely to be the pain in the ass in a relationship (um, said no one I have ever dated), I am -4% fake (so I guess I am really killing my intention to be authentic), my Easter prediction (who even knew that was a thing) is about to come true (YAY! well I think yay, it said "something you've been wishing for will come true" knowing my luck it will be that Vons has Vanilla Zero again), I am 0% snob (apparently again, doing pretty well on the authentic thing), I apparently am a great deal of trouble (again, duh!), my friend Cyndi and I are 100% compatible drinking buddies (which is 1000% hilarious if you know us), and finally, and this is my absolute favorite, in my relationship with no one I am 65% the boss and no one is 30% the boss (I guess math is really not Facebook quizzes strong suit).
So I have decided to return to online dating with all of this new information about me that I now know...here is my updated profile:
Hi. I am Erin. I am a Sagittarius which is way more interesting than you ever knew. My birth tree is Ash and my birth herb is lemongrass. Now you know absolutely nothing new about me except that I take stupid online quizzes which actually might bode well for you in this forum since I seem to love tedium and spending countless hours staring at my phone.
I love music and the song written about my life is “Let it Be” and my life’s theme song is “I will Survive” so when we break up it will be super easy for you...not. You will most likely find me in some karaoke bar singing it night after night to prove to you that I am over you.
I am authentic except for my penchant for online testing which I believe reveals my true nature. I believe everything it says about me 1008%.
Math, numbers and percentages are really just optional. You can say 65% + 30% = 100% and it is totally ok. No one but me will ever get worried about where that pesky other 5% went...
My favorite color is black...just like my soul. Hey, you are the one that has read this far down on my profile...I just thought you should know.
Now, I do not want to give away all my secrets...so I will save the rest for our first date. Better hurry and schedule it fast, a gal like me isn’t going to be single for long...my authenticity, sassiness and fighting spirit breeds relationships...
I hope that you will take the same amount of time that I did (5 minutes) to really get to know yourself before our first date. This is a time to go inward and I think you had better do that before we meet.
Please be able to handle a hurricane of pain-in-the-assness. I am apparently chocked through with it.
What do you all think? Bound to be partnered up by Sunday for sure! I am 65% + 30% sure!
Ok, fun but ridiculous. I am kidding about all of this of course. I do not believe any of the above except for the “Little sunshine. Little hurricane” part and I am not going to online date during a pandemic. Can you even imagine that shit show?
On a more serious note, I am getting to know me better. Like I like to laugh especially at myself. I am calming down a bit during this time and enjoying all the crazy shit that I do that makes my parents still shake their heads...like tomorrow I am getting baby goats. Well, really my daughter is getting baby goats (this was all she wanted for her birthday and as we all know I am not good at saying no to anything furry) (wait, that doesn’t sound good...).
So here is what I have really learned so far:
I actually do need 8 hours of sleep a night...not a week.
I NEED to hike everyday for my mental health.
I LOVE writing and can’t imagine not doing it every day.
I love my home.
I like having time to sit outside in my yard.
I really kind of need a bigger yard to accommodate my novice farming.
I like being alone...a lot.
I like working from home.
I do not need 42 pairs of heels.
Meditation, prayer and yoga are NEEDS not ideals.
I cannot decide if I should get a peloton bike.
I can really only have one cup of coffee and still like myself.
When left to my own devices, I will eat cookies for dinner...every night.
Fresh flowers in my home weekly is money well spent.
I like shopping for my parents.
Even during a pandemic, I still have too much to do.
I believe that people are basically good.
Watching the news is damaging to me.
There is no better feeling than a walk in nature with my child.
My dog is one of the funniest people I know.
Filling up the bath tub with shaving cream for your daughter's birthday is actually quite fun.
I can still be a complete asshole.
The only thing that I like more than routine is to fuck up routine.
That I am ok just as I am AND I can use a little work.
Not too shabby.
All in all, I love my life...even in quarantine. Even in isolation. Even now.
And that, my friends, is amazing. I am sure that no one else will see the huge growth, but I do. And that makes all that I have survived, endured and overcome worth it to arrive in this place where I am ok with me.
May you use your time in isolation wisely and for Pete’s sake not spend one more minute of your life not knowing what the fuck your birth herb is! Jesus people! Get it together already!
TGIW...(Thank God its...Whatever!)
