Day 262 - It's Nice When Enough Shows Up...
Said my friend Paul, who is now oft quoted here...
I kinda love the way his mind works...and the things he says are funny and very, very true.
I don’t know about anyone else, but enough never showed up for me when I was younger. I always wanted more, a lot more. More of everything, all the time.
It was how I did life:
One drink, have more.
One cookie, have more.
I like that shirt, buy one in every color.
I like that guy, but I also kinda like that other one over there.
I like this job, but I think that I might want another one.
I was on a carousel of more and I could never seem to get off. I just went round and round like this:
I have this.
I want more.
I take action to get more.
Get more of whatever it is that I wanted.
Realize that more didn’t really do me any better.
Become dissatisfied with more.
Begin seeking more of something else.
More recently, (haha, see what I did there?) I have slowed down. Thanks Global Pandemic! I had to stay home and I had to make do with less. I had to be content in my day in my home with a lot less of everything, except time...that I had a lot of.
But something marvelous happened to me in this down time, I realized that more is not better it is just simply more. And the more more I have the less more I actually want. I realized that what I really wanted was enough. Enough of everything. And I realized that I have enough. I really do have enough:
If you saw how much of some of the above I have, you would be able to say emphatically that I have way more than enough of many of the items listed above.
What changed was that I realized that I had enough. I found myself walking the aisles of Trader Joe’s throwing things in my cart and had the thought, guess what I don’t really need that. I have enough.
I would be at home in bed surfing Amazon, and I would have a whole bunch of crazy shit in my cart (Giant Outdoor Jenga blocks - I have yet to have a party at my house and I have lived here for 4 years) and I would think, I don’t need that, I have enough.
I would see the well placed, attractive ads on Facebook and think, I really do need that yoga swing, $700 pair of shoes and some new Caddis eyewear...and then I would think, no I don’t...I have enough. Well except the yoga swing, that I did need and it is amazing!
But it is really nice when enough shows up...I wonder what took it so long.
I am what took it so long. I think that I tended to be like a rubber band always snapping myself way out there...grasping for more of whatever it was that was shiny and new. I think that I am finally in a place where I am learning to just be content with enough. When I really stop to think about it, I have always had enough and that is something that I have totally taken for granted.
I think that feeling and believing one has enough is a spiritual awakening of sorts...perhaps the subtle difference between moving from happiness and the pursuit of happiness to contentment which really needs no pursuit. From moving from believing that life is happening to me, and seeing that life is happening for me...all of it, even the hard and painful things. All the circumstances of my life are happening to help me wake up and once I am awake, perhaps I can use the knowledge I have gained to help others wake up also.
So I have decided that I am going to honor enough’s arrival in my life by cherishing it and revering it...it is after all, enough.