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Day 280 - FONWARD!

Fucking Onward.

Sometimes that is just where life takes a place where you know you need to move on but you just don’t want to...

God, have I been there a lot!

I have a friend who is going through a break up and the attendant aftermath where you have no idea what the hell you are doing with yourself. You can’t date someone else because you are not over the other person and you can’t bear to be in your own company for too long because your ex occupies the hollowed out places of your heart and mind. Alone equals thoughts of the one that you had to leave.

Pure anguish.

But fonward has things to teach us...if we let it.

Allowing ourselves to be led to a new path is a good thing. Letting go of that relationship where we were not loved right or well or true enough creates a space where that kind of love is possible...if we let it. Moving forward even though our hearts still belong to another is possible and from my experience it happens slowly over time despite our sometimes sincere desire and commitment to remain shackled to a love that never quite made us feel secure or whole or sometimes even loved.

Fonward is the place I go when I know what I need to do but lack any real desire to act in my own best interest. Fonward gives me a vehicle to show up and move on regardless. I can just fucking take the action that propels me forward even if every fiber of my being wants to return to the past that really didn’t work for me. It is hard but fonward gets me going when nothing else will. Fonward gives me momentum when I have ground myself down to a halt and have poured sand all over the gears! Somehow, fonward clears the sand and greases my rusty insistence that returning to a place or person is a good idea.

Fonward gets me going again with purpose even when purpose is still lagging way behind. Fonward gets me out of bed in the morning which allows life to happen to me instead of hiding under the covers where the only thing that can possibly happen is I revisit the past, allowing its ghosts to haunt me.

So, while today I am not really needing fonward to get me launched (I am feeling pretty good these days) I offer fonward to those of you who are stuck and spiraling. Just let fonward take over and move you through your day...I find saying it really helps...

Fucking onward...

Fucking onward...

FONWARD people!

FONWARD we go...

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