I bought the previous love of my life a book of Rumi’s poems. I still have the book, which is a good indicator that the previous guy was not the love of my life since he didn’t care enough about the Rumi book to take it with him when he left. I am again grateful for what remains, the things I have kept. I got the book and in retrospect, perhaps the better end of that particular deal...
What mystifies me is that 13th century poet was enlightened to write truths and poems so many years ago that still ring true and hit us where we live today...well, some of us...my previous love interest not so much apparently...
I should have seen this as a sign...oh, so many signs that I just missed or refused to see or didn’t want to...why is it so apparent to me now? Just how much I have missed about men along the way. A lot I have learned, but only by missing the lesson the first few times, or hundred, but whose counting?
Rumi speaks to me because he speaks of love that infuses the world and that this love is the pathway to God, or Buddha or Universe or Divine Spirit. He believed that music, poetry and dance were the way to destroy the soul and then resurrect it to be closer to the Divine. I like that. And that is how my life feels like it has gone. I had to come close to dying before I was really able to live...And music, poetry and dance were definitely part of my path.
Rumi was able to pin down the very twisty path for personal growth literally ages ago. What he experienced was universal and transcends time, space, distance and era. It is what we all experience if we work toward our own pain, confusion and lust on our way to personal growth, liberation and understanding. What I love most about him is how inclusionary he is, he does not offend anyone but instead draws them in and brings them closer, to themselves. Brilliant!
I could spend all day posting Rumi quotes because so many of them ring true for me. They hit me in the chest and remain...holding me by the heart and lifting my spirit. They seem to speak with universal truth and love. They shore me up when I am lagging and give me hope when my faith flails.
What I love most about him though was that he was unafraid to revisit the same subject matter, over and over again and mine it for the gold that is inherent in the sometimes long and arduous journey of self discovery. He “ruminated” and gleaned some pretty amazing ideas that have lasted centuries as their truth was that pure.
I love Rumi because he holds out hope for me that this repetitive and ruminating heart of mine can and will find some sort of peace if I stay true to my course and do not allow myself to be pulled off my quest to grow into myself, better, stronger and more whole.
Rumination implies a circular pattern that goes nowhere, but if you ever read just one of his masterpieces, you would know that rumination brings amazing insight repeatedly. So that is my hope. To review the same ground, the same feelings, the same brokenness and write it down so that I too can share the heart and soul of my being with others. I want to let you in, I want to allow myself to be pierced by the souls of others and to grant access to myself to places I was too afraid to tread before...
I do not want a life half lived. I want the whole beautifully messy shitshow that comes from loving fully and deeply and absolutely from the middle of my chest out to the middle of yours. I want to feel it all: the pain, the loss, the sorrow, the heartbreak...because in so feeling, I can feel you. I can feel me. I can feel this life unfolding in front of me and really live it. I am unafraid to run over the same old ground, because I know that the whole of life can be captured by a few lines on a page, written in Persian, centuries ago. Rumi taught me that. And I believe that rumination, done well, can liberate me from my narrow views about love, sex, commitment, fear, heartbreak and relationships. Rumi knew. He told us over and over again...
There is a candle in your heart
Ready to be kindled.
There is a void in your soul
Ready to be filled.
You feel it, don’t you?
Yes, yes I do.
