Is it pathetic that I am excited that I made it a week without dating?
Wait, I don't care.
I feel like I have grown and been affirmed more in this week than I have in a long time. Feels good to be man free for a whole week. I am also happy to report that, as promised, I have now extricated myself from all the men and am truly date free.
Let's recap on what I learned this week:
1. I think that I can juggle many superficial relationships, but I can't.
2. I think that I will find something meaningful by searching far and wide, but I don't.
3. I think men are entertainment, but they aren't.
4. I think that I am independent, but I am the worst kind of dependent - the kind that insists she isn't when she really is.
5. I think that I am capable of a meaningful, authentic relationships, but I am not.
6. I think that I have done so much work on me, but in reality I have done just enough to maintain the dysfunctional status quo.
7. I think that I am good on my own, but I was really waiting for someone to rescue me.
8. I think that men were the problem, but it was really how I was showing up for them that was the issue.
9. I think a lot of things that are loosely based on fact, but I am learning that I don't have to believe everything I think.
10. I think that I am honest, but the truth is I hide a lot.
11. I think that I manage stress well, but my body tells a different story.
12. I think that having a lot of men in my life means I am desirable, but really it just means that I am not comfortable being alone.
Not too shabby for one week!
I have begun to digest some hard truths and I feel mostly ready for the ones that are on their way. I feel rested and less stressed and the mob enforcer fever blisters are subsiding. I am paying more attention to my body and trying to listen to what it is telling me. I am thinking (only thinking at this point) at making eating better a priority. I am getting good sleep and I am honoring my commitments to write, meditate and yoga daily. I am working on how to incorporate some exercise in my life. I am sitting with myself and watching my thoughts in the most loving way I can. I am allowing my life just to be without adding anything extra.
For all of the above reasons, I feel affirmed. I feel good. I feel whole. I am gonna keep going to keep growing...