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Day 80 - Want, Diamond Mines & Salvation.

Boy is this a loaded topic. I have spent a lifetime wanting so many many of them not particularly good for me. There have literally been decades that were pretty much ruled by want. Like I was possessed with some demon that kept forcing me to always and forever seek and want.

This is not the same as more. It is different than just wanting more of something good or pleasurable. Want is what drives the more. Want is the place where we begin.

Wanting is not all bad. Without want I don’t think we would get out of bed in the morning. It has its rightful place. It has its purpose.

However, for me, want has always been somewhat dysfunctional. Wanting things that I can’t have. Wanting things that are not good. Demanding that the want be satisfied instead of being open to whatever is happening instead.

More implies that you already have something and you desire more of that same thing. Want is more basic, more fundamental. Want drives us to success, to commitments, to joy. But want has a darker side (as does everything in life). Want also causes us not to appreciate what we already have. Want makes us seek things without reason or tethered to reality. For some, want destroys all that is good and real.

I think about this guy in Africa. He lived on this family ranch. It was a large ranch. It produced an income. He was set for life. However, he was not going to be super rich. He would be comfortable. It was at this same time that people were discovering diamond mines all over Africa. They were everywhere. This man wanted to find diamonds on the ranch. He wanted to be the owner of a diamond mine. He wanted to be super rich. Want led him to obsession and then to the brink of financial ruin. He wasted away all of his money and ended up selling the ranch because he had no other choice as want had led him so far astray that he was completely broke. Want had led him to this place of complete devastation. All because he wanted something other than what he had. More about him in a minute...

Now this we can relate to. This we can understand. We have all had things that we wanted that defied all reason, logic and common sense. We all know what that feels like. Some of us even destroyed our lives to satisfy the want.

This caused me to think about why is it that some of us cannot seem to tame the want while others seems to almost fear it. The want is not trusted or really allowed entrance. Some seem to live to deny themselves while others seem to always and forever be beholden to want.

So Mr. I-Want-To-Own-A-Diamond-Mine was forced to sell the land because he was overextended. He had a nice life until want took it all from him. The combination of his persona and want rendered him on the brink of being destitute. Want to know the ass kicker? When he was forced to sell the family ranch, they came in a leveled the buildings on the ranch to increase the land area they could search for diamonds. Guess what they found underneath the main house? One of the largest diamond stores ever found...suddenly he was back in the black but now minus the land that would produce even more riches. So want led him to redemption but didn’t deliver him to salvation.

And we can all relate to that as well. How often we are redeemed from our wantonly bad decisions...but delivered just short of being saved from the full impact of our want based actions.

So I find myself mistrusting want these days. I want a lot of things. Things are all tainted with my baser desires that seem to lead me from a higher purpose. I am not quite sure what that higher purpose is, just that there is one and my only job is to get out of the way...

I do not want to be Mr. Diamond Mine sitting on the largest payload of diamonds for decades but wholly missing it because I am running around searching for answers and feeding the want. Sometimes, the want has to be sacrificed to the I-will-just-take-what-I-have. I will allow the want to fall by the wayside. I will allow myself to just sit and observe the want then let it go...Maybe that is really the way to salvation after all.

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