I am uncomfortable today. In my skin. Nothing is really wrong but I am seeing the way I am with a new lens and it is causing me discomfort.
None of what I am seeing is new. None of it is novel or really all that unexpected but I see the way I engage in my life and it is dysfunctional...still.
I will own that it is far less dysfunctional than it used to be...but that phrase is now a call to action. No longer an invitation to sit here and feel good about all the progress. I see the new frontier for myself and while I do feel afraid and lack knowledge of where it is all leading, I know that I must go. Move in the direction that my higher self already exists.
Today it feels like a tall order. Today it feels like a stretch. But it really isn’t. Because it isn’t new, it isn’t hard and it isn’t novel. It is just the new way on an old path. One I have traveled all my life. But each time I walk this path, the view is familiar but always different, because I am never the same person walking. Forever, altered and changed even with my stubborn refusal to move upward and onward.
I see me. I know who I am and it isn’t all good. It isn’t all bad either. In fact, I am the best version of myself today that I have ever been. But I see the glaring defects, the places where I need to grow and change and evolve. I see it. And once I see it, I have only two choices: numb out with various means of exit, or look directly at my more glaring defects and begin. I have been doing the former and now it is time for the later.
Discomfort is a rallying cry. Discomfort shows me how to become a better version of myself. Discomfort is not something to end and push out of the way so I can get back to my addictive patterns of dis-ease. Discomfort has become a soft, but firm hand, holding the door open for me and usher me into a newer consciousness. It feels uncomfortable, and of course it does, if it didn’t, I would just keep doing what I have been doing...
Today I am so grateful for the discomfort that is living in my head. Discomfort is here to show me a new rock or branch or leaf on this path I tread. I may like it or I may not, I may be interested or freaked out, but regardless I have been in this place of discomfort often enough to know to the core of my being that its arrival signifies a new twist. And today, the person I am is grateful for the discomfort because I know that change I must or die I will. Always.