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Feminina!

Last evening I sat around a fire with some of the most powerful and amazing women.  Some I know incredibly well, and some I am just coming to know better.  All of them are women of substance, grit, determination, great spiritual advancement and all are women who have changed/saved me on occasion.


Now this doesn’t mean that I relied upon them to provide me something that I lacked.  Instead, what I mean is that each of them, of their own accord and in their own fashion, were there for me at a time that I needed a shoulder,  an ear, a hug, a truth, a laugh.  Each of them, in their own way, shaped and carved my life into what it is today.  And I am so much the better for it.


They didn't "save" me from myself or "him" or whatever, instead they loved me through whatever particular disaster I was experiencing (real or imagined) and helped me save myself.


I have really missed having a circle of women to gather with, to share, to love, to talk, to support.  I have really missed that particular type of circle in my life.  There is something innately powerful, intimate and supportive when women gather together and honor each other for their unique talents, gifts and personage. 


Last night we gathered together and ate, laughed, discussed, sat idly by the fire gazing upwards at all we do not understand but marvel at just the same.  We exchanged books instead of gifts, and even a few gifts because some of us just can’t help ourselves.


I still feel a little high from the intimacy, the honesty and the sharing of all the divinity that makes us innately female.  


My experience with women or females was not always so great.  It has taken my lifetime to recover and discover that it wasn’t just men that I had toxic relations with...that my own issues allowed and selected women that reinforced the shitty concepts I had about myself.  I felt let down a lot and it took me way longer than it should have to see that it was my wounds that were picking the women that I allowed to be close to me.  And it was my own dishonesty that caused those relations to morph into the toxic.


Last night was different.  We all owned our wounds, our toxicness, but we also shared our recovery.  Our great efforts to change those things about ourselves that have plagued and haunted us...for way too long.  And we shared soultion.  We shared in a way that was intimate and deep and without fear of reprisal.  I trust these women.  I trust them all to be honest with them about how I feel, who I am and what causes me fear and how I react to that fear.  I am me when they are present instead of some dressed up better version of myself.  I am not carrying on side conversations with my interior about what I really think or feel or intuit.


I love them all.  Deeply and with a wisdom that they all are necessary in all their differentness to guide me, grow me, help me, shape me just like perhaps I am for them as well.


And what is newish for me is that I felt that perhaps, maybe, they all might feel the same way about me.  That I help them grow, change, love, guide, help and shape.


So as we sat under a starry cold night, around an amazing fire, I felt the Divine feminine perhaps as base as I have ever felt it, or allowed my self to feel.  I marveled at the wonderful and wondrous women who sat with me, their struggles (past and present), their strength, their love, their vitality, their very different manifestations of their own unique feminina.  


And I was changed by it.


I woke today, hours later than I normally do.  And I think in part, I rested longer because some innate need was satisfied last night for me.  And I pray that in some small or large way, perhaps it was for them too.


Long Live the Resistance! And yes, this will only makes sense to you if you are one of us.



We were having so much fun, we never got a photo of us...and I kind of love us for that!

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