Fifty Shades of Soul...
As I was wandering around downtown Mendocino yesterday, I allowed my mind to push me further down a road that I began thinking about several days ago...as I walked I looked at all the people. Some solitary, most with a lover or family. And I began to see each person as a color. No, I have not gone completely nuts. I think this is something I have been aware of for a long time, just was never able to articulate it before.
I have heard that people have auras. Energy that they hold around them that is visible for those who pay attention to such things.
What I noticed yesterday was that I felt pulled toward some people and repelled from others. Some people were completely neutral. I felt neither pulled toward nor repelled away. They were just there and engender a feeling of nothingness in me.
As the day progressed, I began to see the people as color, some were bright and cheery and others were dark and foreboding. Regardless of the hue or tone, everyone seemed to have a color that they emanated. Now, I am not a huge fan of color...anyone who knows me knows this. I like earth tones: white, cream, black, brown, grey. My entire house is white because it makes me feel clean and whole. I loathe busy colorful things except maybe gardens, there the color makes sense to me. But a shirt or print that is overly done with many bright colors hurts my eyes and makes me feel disoriented and unsettled inside.
Yes, I know I am a weirdo...
But then I started thinking about perhaps everyone has many shades of color. And perhaps some souls are sullied, dirty, unclean. Like life has left dirty finger prints all over them. Regardless of whether or not they are a bright or vibrant color, life and all its happenings have left their soul shade tarnished and unpolished so that the person lacks lustre and appeal.
I thought of my own. What shade is my soul? I want it to be a lovely shade of white. But it isn’t. I have too much angst and anger still for white to be my color. It isn’t black anymore so that may be progress. I have done the spiritual work to clear up the hollowness and vacuousness that existed there for so long.
I haven’t arrived on a color yet. I know it isn’t white and I know that it isn’t black. A likely choice would be some shade of grey but that doesn’t feel right either...
I am almost ashamed to admit it but it feels like an actual color...like a burnt rust. Still an earth tone but with some pink and orange. I know...I know. Who even am I?
But I do not think we get to pick our soul shade. I think it is reflective of the work we do in this life. And there is not a perfect color and I know that we are capable of changing it. Soul shades never being static, always they are fluctuating.
I know my soul shade was yellow as a kid. Bright and cheerful. I moved into black in college. Then to green. Then to blue. I have been living in an oatmeal color for a long time but I feel myself shifting into rust. Could just be the aging process...who really knows?
I guess what I am noticing more is the quality of color. Like whatever color your soul shade, is it pure? Does the color have clarity? Does it feel muted? Is it smudged? Marred by all the marks life leaves behind? Or have you done the work to keep whatever the soul shade, clear and clean?
I have a lot of work still to do. I think all of us instead of trying to change our soul shade, instead we work to provide more clarity to the color that our soul manifests. I know that I have some pretty ugly marks on mine, the rust color hiding the blemishes better than white, but I know that I can do better. I want to project a cleaner soul than I am right now. Not even for others, just for myself...a cleaner, lighter, less marred version of myself. Soul manifested and bathed in light, color being less material.
As I engaged with people yesterday, I wondered what color they felt my soul was projecting. I thought about asking a couple people but then I realized that even in Mendocino that would be weird. So I guess I will ask it here for those of you who know me, who read me, see me. What color does my soul emanate to you? I promise if you will tell me truthfully, I will do the same for you? Please let’s tell each other if we are vibrating a color that is free of dirt, grime and discoloration...again, this is not truth, it is just our opinion or feeling so there is no wrong or right.
For me, I need a check in on what I am putting out there. I need to know what color my soul is to all of you. Some feedback would be helpful in moving forward with some changes in my life.
So I am asking for help in my quest for soul knowledge, what do I project to you? What color and shade am I vibing? Let’s begin a soul shade discussion...I am very interested in where it might lead...and if you don’t want to engage, that is ok but I can’t promise that it won’t alter my thoughts about your soul shade...that isn’t a threat, it is just more information that you are sending and I am interpreting however it may land within me.
Regardless of the outcome, I have noticed something that I never did before, a willingness to inquire about congruence in my life...am I projecting something authentic about myself, and am I around people who see it really? I spent a lot of my life trying to fit in with people who never could understand me, or really even want to. And that was totally on me. Today, in this day and in whatever time I have left, I want to do a better job at being congruent inside and outside and for me soul shading moves me further down the path...