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  • Writer's pictureeschaden

Folding In...

This how life feels to me. I am always just folding in new things and with the addition of those new things, some old things either seem to dissipate or evaporate or they shapeshift into something else that feels new again.


My life is pretty basic. I do the same things, usually in the same order, daily. Adding something new in some times takes me awhile. The folding in process is not immediate. I do the new thing and then I miss it for awhile, then there it is again, getting folded into the fabricey sinew of my life.


Since leaving my job, I have folded in working out and walking daily. Mediation, prayer and yoga time have always been there but now it feels more relaxed and like practice instead of a chore to be accomplished. I cook more often and eat healthier stuff. I spend time just sitting in the backyard, enjoying the space, the weather and the beauty of life. I have folded in the chores: the grocery shopping, laundry, house cleaning. Things that I used to outsource to others. Now, they are my tasks and they feel less like chores and more like maintenance of this great life I get to live.

Work is folded in also. I work somewhere between all the time and never. It is a continuum for sure. Some days are over busy and spilling over into the time allotted for other things. And then there are days where there is nothing much to do except wait for the phone to ring...


Time in nature, time with family and friends, all folds into my life and enriches it and increases the pleasure of living this particular life.


Recovery and its demands are also folded in. Time spent working with others, time spent reading and reflecting. All part of the day, every day.


I get this picture in my head of a creamy batter, a home made cake perhaps, with some treats being folded in, something like chocolate chips or something else delectable.


My life has become this velvety batter and I get to gently fold in recovery, family, friends, work, exercise, travel, fun, work, parenting, outdoors, writing, being present, animals, daily life maintenance...these have become the chocolate chips of my life. The mundane things, that are part and parcel to everyone’s life, feel like the texture and richness that is added to an already amazingly rich backdrop.


I have to be careful because I suffer from the delusion of more and so there is always the temptation to fold in more chocolate chips than is warranted or advised. And I have done this, often. But using some hard fought and long won discretion, has allowed me to say when, and allow for however many chips are fold in to just be enough...not perfectly, because I will always think that there should be a few more...but most of the time, I am happy with the results.


There are limits. There is enough. I have trouble figuring that out a great deal of the time. But sometimes, like right now, I am able to step back and away with some objectivity and more accurately evaluate this life I have, with all the delicious morsels folded in. And I am amazed. Totally, absolutely amazed that life can be this simple and wonderful and rich and tasty.


Ok, I have now just made myself incredibly hungry for a chocolate chip cake...maybe I will make one later. Let me see when I have time to fold that in...

I love this life. Imperfect as it is with likely too many things folded in for some and not enough for others. But for me it is the perfect balance of just enough which most of the time I only recognize as I am flying past it.


But today in this moment with all the beings and events and time and work and people, it feels like I have fold in enough of everything if even just for today. And that feels like I have become folded into the rich and sweet texture of my life...finally, again, still.




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