Ok, so it is NOT a brain tumor. Or anything else wrong with her brain. And I am immensely grateful. It was a rough weekend. Waiting, trying to stay busy. Not staying still long enough all day Saturday to allow the fear, dread and outright panic to land. Sunday, I just gave in, spent three hours alone, allowing all the negative thoughts to just swirl. Yesterday I was on the phone first thing, begging people to read her MRI stat. By 11 am, we knew that it was not a brain tumor. It was only five days, but it felt like a lifetime, hers.
I am so grateful today that it was only a scare and not anything more serious. The neurologic symptoms are actually a vision issue, but nothing serious there either. Again, I am incredibly thankful for the medical care where I live. These people are amazing, one and all. And I feel deeply in their debt.
While I was preparing to take my daughter to the ophthalmologist, my son was hit by a car while he was on his bike. Like my mom, he was ok, the bike not so much. It has been a hard week for this family to be clear.
And there have been moments when I was not ok, but mostly I have had faith that it is all going to be ok. That my faith and belief in something greater than myself would carry us all to some place better than where my head usually goes.
I was amazed that my usual busy Monday was rearranged by forces beyond my control and so I had the day free to deal with both kids and their needs. I am so grateful that my mom, my daughter and my son are all ok.
I feel this amazing sense of relief, which is only fleeting because I know, and remember, life is fleeting. We are here, then we are not. We are well, then we are not. Sometimes we are sick, then well, then sick again. This is the nature and order of things, this is life.
But for this moment I rejoice in all that they feared did not come to pass. The people I love most in this world are all ok today. No one has a brain tumor or is actively dying in this moment, at least not that I am aware. What comes next I will find out later, so in this moment I have nothing to do but be grateful for all I have, all I love and all I hold so dear. And the events of the last week have made them all nearer and dearer to be sure.
Life is a complicated tangle, so when you feel the amazing lift of Hallelujah, rejoicing is all there is to do! So I will.