Today is my mom’s birthday. I won’t tell you exactly how old she is today because she would kill me...actually she isn’t that kind of person. Mostly I think she looks at age as some indicator of time spent growing, changing and hopefully evolving...I know she has.
I am lucky. I do not have mom issues. She and I have always been close. We talk every morning...well, unless I overcommit or oversleep. She has been this amazing constant in my life and today I want her to know how very grateful I am for her endurance, love, support and care.
I know lots of my friends who are not close with their mothers or who lost their mothers and were forever prevented from having any kind of relationship with them other than in their minds and hearts. Today, I want to own how lucky I am to still have my mom, to have her healthy and present and to have the relationship I do with her.
But this is not a day about me. It is about her. Everything that I have learned about being a mom, I learned from her. She gave me so much and continues to do so...my best example of motherhood and friendship combined.
We are a lot of alike but it is our differences the more I age that I appreciate and admire more. She an introvert and me not, I appreciate her ability to be ok with herself more every day. I see her willingness to be alone and to sit with herself as the best evidence of her commitment on the path. Right now I am struggling with several things, all things that I have watched her master in her own life and I am grateful she is there for guidance and love along the way.
I could spend the entire morning writing about all of her amazing attributes, but today I am most amazed with her ability to remain, to stay in spite of many reasons to run or leave. She does the opposite of what I do, she remains and today I am getting a lesson in just how very hard that is. So today I am so very grateful for her example of how to stay, to be present and remain.
My mom is faithful. She has been married to the same man for 53 years. She has up ended her own life her entire life to either support me or my dad. Never one time moving to suit her own needs. Always moving to support others. And she has remained. Her ability to stay despite feelings to the contrary such an amazing feat from where I stand today.
My mom is patient. A quality that I do not possess. She can sit with almost anything for days - hard things, easy things, painful things. I just don’t know how she does it. I want what I want now, and she can wait forever. Another example of how she stays...
My mom is generous. She reminds me a little too much of The Giving Tree. She has given to my dad and I her whole life. Always putting our needs first and her own last. She does the same with my children. She seemingly ok (although I am sure she is all the time) with putting other’s needs before her own. She gives of her time and energy in a way that is both admirable and boundary maintaining. She practices self care and care of others which is incredibly hard to do. Again, she remains...
My mom is intelligent, empathic and kind. All of these qualities I possess, I got from her. She had them first and made sure as she was there bringing me up (or trying to) that I always saw things from another’s perspective. Being kind above all else was something you just did...not because other’s deserved it but because it made me a better person in the doing.
My mom gave me my love of books and writing. Meditation and prayer are things that we learned growing up together. We are separated by 23 years and 361 days. But we have grown up together. She there to guide me while she was still figuring shit out herself. It has been amazing to watch her grown and change, making my growth more possible and supported in her sharing her own.
Today I am so very grateful to her, for her and because of her. She is the best person I know. She my greatest teacher, best example of this mother-friend. I would not be who I am today without her loving influence that I sometimes resented and often failed to appreciate.
Today I hope she has the most amazingly quiet day because I know she loves the quiet. Today I hope that as she sits and reads or knits or writes that she is able to feel the love I have for her, my gratitude to have her in my life and the joy I get from our relationship. Today I hope she feels how very much in awe I am in her strength, patience, resilience and capacity for giving. I love you mom. Happy, Happy Birthday!
