I spend a lot of time thinking about trauma and its effects, but I do so always with the intention to heal. Seeing all too well how and where I have given way too much of my life to suffering. I endeavor to spend less time there and more time healing as life prepares me for my final exit.
The most important thing I have learned, and in fact the entire intention of this blog, was to share what has happened in my own life with the intention that something I have gone through, something I have said or done or felt or heard or ignored or refused or painfully, very painfully learned is of some use to someone else...just one. Not millions. I am unconcerned of followers. I am really more concerned in this final stage of healing - this place where I pass along without edit my life as unfiltered as I possibly can so that anyone who reads this can and might be helped in their own struggle.
For me, the best thing I have ever learned in my life was that my experience can be of use to others. The stuff I have survived and in fact, grown from, can be useful to someone else and it matters not the age, the IQ, the gender, the sexual orientation, the race, the creed - the only common ground is our shared humanness. The fact that we get it wrong likely more than we get it right. This fact, and no other, has been the most revolutionary thing in my life. It is my failures, my fuck ups, my heartbreak and my pain that is what God uses to make me supremely useful. And to hold it all in might kill me, or it might set me free. But it is in my ego’s release of myself, my need to appear better than I am, that I find true harmony and community with the world. Sharing me at my worst allows a path for you to do the same. You can see me at my worst and that is where we can communicate as humans. My pain is relatable to your pain. My joy related to your joy.
It is in this willingness to share that I have found the most healing for myself. Sharing all that I fear, fuck up and suffer is how we all get free. It is the only way I know to do it. Pain shared is halved, joy shared is doubled. And that seems to bring me all the way round to the place where I am happy, content and free to live this most amazing life, suffering less because I am willing to feel it all. I used to feel like my feelings would kill me, but in fact, it was my refusal to feel them that almost killed me. Today, anything I share, give or express is an ongoing commitment to assist in whatever way I can towards the healing of others.
