Letting Go, Again, Still...

I know that life is just a series of moments we must release.  I know that nothing remains forever, that everything has its season and those seasons change.  For the most part, I do not think I have been that change averse.  I tend to embrace change.  I tend to welcome it.  I am almost always excited about the new, the different, the release as I tend to get bored easily and need new stimulating people, places and things to hold my interest.

There has been lots of talk all over social media about the Lion’s Gate Portal yesterday.  And I know, woo woo California stuff, but I could feel it.  I could feel the movement in my soul.  I can feel the old being ushered out and the new manifesting, kind of like a storm cloud gathering speed and dust, but in a good way.  I do not feel like I am going to be pummeled with change.  I can feel it rising and it is good.

I have made some hard decisions lately.  Things I have long held onto I am letting go.  People, things, ideas are changing and I am allowing them to just die.  No more life support.  No more heroic efforts to save things that have long been dead except for me stubbornly pounding on their chest.  Sometimes it is very hard to stop what you are doing long enough to see that whatever you have been breathing life into has long since expired.  And the thing you were exhausting yourself for has been long dying, you just couldn’t see it because it was too close.  Or perhaps, better said, I was too close.

I have no idea what happens next.  I just know that I don’t want to continue to do certain things I have been doing, forever.  I am kinda done.  And if I am honest, I was done four years ago, but I just couldn’t admit that to myself.  Well, now I can.

I am at a time in my life where I see the curtain call.  I see the end of the road, and the time I have between now and then is vital.  It is important how I use this time.  It really matters to me.  To spend whatever time I have left here doing things I love, for people I love, which totally 100% includes me.

I have long known service saves.  My best days are days where I wake thinking of how I can help others and spend my entire day committed to those efforts.  It is a great way to live.  So no matter what the future brings, I want to serve.  This is critical for my sobriety and for my happiness being sober and alive.

I went to a celebration of life yesterday for a woman who was a force.  She served others.  She served her family.  She was a shining example of love in action, which is how I think of service.  Service is love in action.  Whenever I am engaged in the service of others, I am practicing the fine art of loving and living.

But in order to move forward, I must release again.  Feels like I have done this so very many times!  So very many times!  But release has to be part of living.  And most often in this life, I have had to release my ideas about the way things should go.  I have had to release my way, in order to gain access to perhaps a better way.  And I am there once more.

I know there is something greater and more useful on the other side.  And the gap between what is and what will be can be terrifying as it is awe inspiring. So, for me this lion’s gate energy is coming at the perfect time for me to release all the things and ideas that are no longer serving me so that I may better serve others...it has always been about abundance.  And I am happy to report that I have always had an abundance of goodness in my life.  And today, I have an abundance of people, ideas and things I can be of service to.  And that makes me feel like my life, regardless if I have it all figured out, is abundantly beautiful.  All that need happen now, is to let go, again, still...