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Living

I often find myself thinking that I need to be doing it better. Which is really a fairly subtle violence towards actual living. Somehow in my head, I seem to think that I whatever life I am living isn’t good enough, calm enough, busy enough, whatever enough. But it is.


Life is this never ending series of problems or opportunities. It really depends on how you look at them. Every obstacle is both a problem to be addressed and an opportunity to grow, change and move towards a better version of ourselves.


I sometimes get mired in the problem and forget that I am supposed to be moving towards solution...not quicksanding myself into a downward spiral.


If I know this, why do I still do it?


Because I think it is human nature...to be prone to going with them when things go south. To allow ourselves to be pulled into the fray when we could just as easily, side step it and wait it out in a vantage point that is a little less frayless.


I am grateful for the perspective that everything in life is an opportunity. I am super happy that in everything “bad” that happens there is an option for growth toward kindness, self awareness and stretching. I am also happy that anything “good” that happens is the same. I am the labeler...so it will always be subjective to me. What is bad for me, may be fantastic for someone else...and what is good for others, may be horrific for me. If I remove the filter, me, then I am just left with a situation which is neither bad nor good, it just is.


Being able to accept the present moment just as it is, without adding a whole bunch of like or dislike, is pretty cool. It gives me the ability to see what life might be like if I wasn’t standing in my own way filtering all the stuff out of my own way. I mean sometimes I filter the wrong shit out and let the wrong shit in. Probably more than I would like to admit.


I read a book once where the author just said yes to everything he was asked...it led him to some pretty amazing places. And I can see the wisdom of this practice, yet still I resist. I still want to be the arbiter of my own life. I still want to be the decider of things...and so I likely suffer way more than I should...


I guess the best part about living is that I can start over any time. Just because I have taken a particular trajectory doesn’t mean that I have to continue it. I can alter course. I can change my mind. I can do something differently and change my whole attitude and outlook on the life I have. What a gift that is!


Living is often hard and painful and exciting and messy. But I get to do it all. The pain, heartbreak, wild success, dismal failures. I get to own them all in this simple little life I lead. I am here doing the best I can knowing every moment that I can always do some version of better...living each day with an open mind and heart seems like the best way to face each day. And on those days, I just can’t. To be gentle with this life...and myself.




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