This vacation is just what I needed. Eight days of nothingness. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. Days of hours passing being still, quiet and doing simple things. With the absence of all the busyness, I have returned to doing things I love. Reading. Cooking (I KNOW - who even am I?). Sitting on the couch watching the fog roll in and out and out and in.
I am content. I am happy. I was feeling kind of guilty about dragging everyone else along on my much needed respite. I actually said this out loud and both my parents and my daughter, said that they liked not going anywhere or doing anything. I felt less guilty.
What I have noticed is the restlessness has dissipated. And in its stead, this peacefulness has taken over. I am good. I feel good. I do not feel driving and driven. I am just happy and content and that feeling is feeling like it is going to last.
But I can see that I have to do some things, make some changes in my life in order for that to be possible. I have to be able and willing to create a space for the restlessness to exit and the peacefulness to come, and stay.
I fill up my days with way too much. Too much of activity, not enough staring at the world as it goes by. I miss so much at top speed, yet I am not that great at slowing it all down.
Today I didn’t get up and write first thing. I slept in until 7 am...which I never do. Then I sat in the hot tub for an hour. Then I took a walk. Not a hike. A walk. I meandered. I looked at the sea. I talked to people. I watched my life unfold as it was unfolding. Now I write. And again I feel l like I am meandering through the verbiage. I am just kind of aimless and it feels amazing. I want more of this in my life.
Peaceful abiding is something that happens when you remove all the other stuff that steals away from the space you create for yourself. This space is there all the time but is easily edged out for want of other things. People, property, popularity. Things. It has always been about worshiping the wrong things for me. And this time away reminds me again of all that I need is right here inside me. And that space will grow, if I will just slow down enough to enjoy it and grant it all it ever wants, space to flourish.
I wish you all a peaceful abiding...for all the days of your life and if that isn't long enough, I wish that for you now.
