If there is one thing that I have never believed in, it is perfect timing. I think that I have had more experience with less than perfect timing. In fact, most of my life, I have experienced really poor timing
Except that was all just perception. Mine. It was skewed and off and not really true. Just another perception of mine that I got wrong...again.
It is like I was born with my perception meter, just fifteen degrees off. Everyone else sees the world at straight up noon, but I see it at 11:45. But, now, I know that that isn’t true either. All of see it at all kinds of different perspectives and degrees...because we all have things happening in us and around us that alter the reality that plays out in front of us. It isn’t wrong, I think. I have just come to believe that this misperception is just part of being human.
So I arrive at yet another turning point in my life, surrounded with doubt, fear, delusion, lack of worth, grandiosity, anticipation, dread, hope and faith. And I honor this place with giving it the moment to ripen into its full blossom, standing still and watching it all unfurl. Taking time to take it all in. To watch, with open eyes, an open heart and trust that the timing is perfect, as it is not my timing. It is God’s timing. And only God’s timing can ever be perfect.
I cloud the timing with all sorts of demands, requests, needs, ideas and tasks. But I know, all too well, that God sees a much larger picture than I do, and because of that, the timing will never, ever feel perfect to me. It is only in retrospect and repose that I ever see the perfect divinity in the timing.
So today I will work to trust that all that happens to me, indeed, happens for me. That though I cannot see what is really coming next, I will trust that it is for my higher good, even if it is painful, horrible feeling, or hard. I will trust that whatever pains me now, will surely pain me less later. And that which doesn’t kill me, always makes me stronger.
And, most importantly, I will remind myself that the perfect timing comes from a loving, kind God that wants me to grow, change and move closer to the light. Away from things and people who no longer serve me. And that sometimes, that which is familiar, is only familiar because I have lived with it so long. And the time has come to live with it no more. And the time for healing is always perfect...