This is what most of my travel planning is up to these days. I am working hard towards taking time away from my predictable, stable and relatively boring life to engage the unknown a little more. I am controlling and like routine but there is this other side of me that craves the unpredictable, the unseen, the lost and the off the beaten path.
So lately, it is becoming what I do with travel. Planning to get lost. Lost to people, to work, to routine, to schedules, to community, to planning, to, well, pretty much everything.
When I went to Ireland in May I had zero plans. No hotel reservations, no plans. I had a trajectory (counter clockwise always - this is non-negotiable - I don’t even know why, it just is). That is all I had, a counter clockwise path and a longing to be alone. It was a great trip. Filled with peaceful moments, lonely moments, elated moments. A lot of wonderful time spent wandering aimlessly from one iconic view to the next.
Well, I am gearing up for the next adventure. Still solo. Still with the intention of getting lost. I have a rental car reservation, counterclockwise trajectory and a plane ticket. And that is it. No hotel reservations, no Airbnb. Just planning to get on the plane and make my way East to New England in the fall and lose myself in time and space and life for a little while.
My life is pretty simple and not all that complicated since I eliminated dating and men from my life. Amazing what going it alone can do for a person’s health and esteem. No one creating drama or issues or panic. My life, lived by me alone, is actually quite peaceful and contended. I know, I know, perhaps I could still have that if I had a better picker. But I don’t. And I am still in that place of figuring out whether or not I can change or alter or heal my picker.
So if life is so peaceful and calm, why does getting lost so appeal to me? I am not sure actually. I think I need the time away from the responsibilities and the routine of my daily life to feel like I am alive and living. I know I am living and alive every day, all day. But there is something that feels rote, mechanical even about the everyday life I lead. So these periods of time where I move away from all that is pedestrian and normal to a place where I see new things, experience new sights, and get to spend hours alone in the car just passing through feel absolutely vital to my existence.
It appears, that I must be lost every once in awhile to be found. That I can come to myself best and better when I spend a couple of weeks without companionship, without daily living tasks, where I up end the routine and commonplace and put myself in the way of the beautiful unfamiliar.
This time I am going to Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine and Nova Scotia. And I can’t tell you which place I am looking forward to most. Wait, yes I can Nova Scotia. I am not sure why...I just am pulled there by some force I do not understand. Iceland has a similar pull for reasons I cannot comprehend either. I am not a fan of cold so both are a bit odd choices for me.
The goal is to see the things that are not commonplace. To avoid cities and large towns. To be out and away, alone with my thoughts, my camera and my life. To experience the life I have deeply which feels only possible when I remove myself from all that is familiar and common and busy.
I am planning to get lost. And I welcome the things I will see and feel and experience while I am off doing God knows what, God knows where. It should be peak viewing season so I imagine I will have a million photos of leaves and trees and the representation of summer’s end and fall's arrival. I love fall. It is my most favorite season. I love the crispness of the air, the fireplace coziness, the need for sweaters and boots and jackets and hats. The warm beverages required to get you moving in the morning when the temps are low and the weather moody.
Mostly I think what I am looking most forward to is coming to know the me that is evolving. I get so lost in the routines of my life that it is often hard to know who exactly I am. I mean, I do know that but when I get lost in travel I somehow come to know myself better and in ways that are not accessible to me while living the life I have at home.
I am a homebody. But I am also a gypsy. Fueled with dreams of far away places and experiences that rival the humdrum everyday life. It would appear that my soul needs a little lost in order to become found.
I think also my need for lost is because I relinquish control, I let go of all the things I can no longer manage or control within my world. Work will have to do without me. The kids will have to figure it out. The pets, well they will have to depend on someone else for a little while. I am freed from the lovely shackles I have tethered myself with to this life. And so it would seem, the only way this can happen for me is to allow myself the great luxury of becoming lost to all I know, love and appreciate on the daily.
Again, still.
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