I don’t believe I have ever seen it before. It has now rained (the amount might not even be considered rain in other parts of the country) the last two days. And I heard thunder this morning, several times. So weird.
It is a strange thing becoming used to living without rain. I mean we never really have to consider it. I have just become accustomed to the fact that every day I can wake up and expect sunshine and weather that feels more like the absence of weather than actual weather. It spoils you.
I have long not been a fan of rain. Having grown up mostly on the East Coast, rain was way overdone in my opinion and I just can’t live that way anymore. I don’t want to be too hot (read the Southwest) or too cold (North) or too wet (literally anywhere but CA) or endure snow (many places North and East). So geographically, I am right where I am supposed to be. This is my perfect climate. Coastal. Temperate. Mild. Spoiled.
As I age, I am developing a kind of peacefulness with rain. When it comes, it brings with it permission to cancel life for the day. I am allowed to stay in bed, read, sleep, be still. All the outside stuff is rather off limits so staying inside and being quiet and still are attributes rain grants.
I am developing a loving relationship with the dreariness, the depressed feeling, the sad overtones of the dimmed light and mood. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t live like this every single day, I would surely go mad, but on the rare occasion it happens here, I am getting better with it.
Today, this weird rain in August seems like a gift. I am down. I am sad. I am processing a whole host of things that I would rather not even think about, but most especially not feel. And it feels like the rain has brought me permission to cry. Let loose the water works and just be sad today. I don’t have a lot on my plate today and I can remove anything that I don’t feel up for. Today, I can just allow the rain to grant me permission to feel sad, alone and grieving.
Perhaps that is why we have rain in August. Perhaps I am not the only one who needs a weather condition to allow those feelings I work so hard to keep at bay, to come a little closer, dim the brilliant sun and grant a depressive atmosphere, to go along with my mood.
Whatever the reason, I am grateful today for the rain, the thunder and the ability to be inside my home, safe from everything except the pain of my own feelings.
