I am sitting in bed this morning, enjoying the light filtering in, content, peaceful and maybe even serene. What strikes me most today is that I seemingly with ease get to this place that was elusive to me for so long. Everything in this moment is fine. I am aware of things that I need to work on, but not overly concerned about them. Trusting that the universe will move me where I need to be when it is time. I am incredibly thankful for the gifts in my life today. All of them, even those that might be painful and hard. Today, I make no mistake that regardless of how I feel about them, they are all gifts.
I will spend time in the woods today and at the beach. I will be present with the things that provide me the most stability and peace. This feels like how Sundays should be.
Right now, today, here, I am grateful for this life even as I remain unsure about it, what I am doing, where I am headed, how things will work out. Right now, I feel good. And I don’t have this compulsion to take it higher or bring it lower.
This being ok in this moment is a gift, I can see that now. Being here, being present. Being ok with everything just as it is. That is such a great departure from how life used to feel.
As I sit in bed, I watch the birds at the bird feeder, flitting from here to there. The hummingbirds zooming in and then with the same velocity they move on. I never knew that I could be someone who could sit still and just watch birds. I didn’t have time for it before, I wasn’t interested in such things. I was busy, always so busy doing, acquiring, thinking, making my self try to feel safe. So hummingbird like...
But today the feeling of safety seems to come without effort. Life is good and feels like mine. Feels like it is ok to be content, without striving to take things up a notch, or come down from a high that is not sustainable. I am just here, allowing myself to be present in this amazing life that I have worked hard to achieve. I am grateful, humbled and so present in the now. It won’t last, I know shortly my head will engage, willing myself forward and into self will. But for now, the birds and I are present. They very busy with meeting needs and me very busy doing pretty much nothing. Such an amazing gift to feel good at level, so content with now. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Just appreciate this moment, this lazy Sunday morning, cat purring on my chest, birds enjoying the food I provided them and me enjoying watching them enjoy their good fortune.
It seems lately that I am hyper aware of the momentary gifts in life and that I have this newfound ability to just enjoy them without clinging, demanding more than my share, or grasping them to my chest to hold them hostage to my will. Right now, at least, trusting that all is in order, all is well and my only real task is to be here now. Enjoying the view to this amazing life, one breath at a time.