I am an early riser. And today was no different. I was up, long before the sun, which is pretty usual for me.
But this morning, I got to sit in a beautiful living room, in the darkness of the early morning, before the sun began its ascent and sat in the warm glow of a fire.
I was not the first one downstairs this morning, which was a delight. She and I sat in the darkness and talked, about life, love, relationships, books, ourselves, growth, recovery. It was the kind of talk that had no hurried pace, no real agenda, the communication was easy, meandering and quiet. I love those morning conversations that have no where to go so they go places you far too often refuse.
My ex-husband and I used to sit in the darkness of early dawn and do this. Drinking coffee and talk. It was the best part of our marriage really, well to me at least. I wish we would have been able to share more openly about who we were and what we needed. But nevertheless I am grateful that we had those intimate moments regardless.
So much is learned and loved in the pre-dawn hours in relationships. It is when I am at my best, I think. My heart is up before my head perhaps and I lead with love instead of intellect. Life allowing me to show up in my un-improved form, morning hair and fresh faced. No accoutrements of society’s demands. I am just me and they (whomever the they might be) are just them.
I crave these intimate moments and yet, I refuse to be still so often to allow them their rightful place in my life. I tend to be busy and moving and getting on with things all too frequently in this life. I am not quiet, or still, or open, or receptive and it shows. Somehow launching myself forward as if this forward propulsion will save me...when in reality, that feat has already been accomplished and I am no longer in need of that particular salvation.
My life has unfolded to the now. This place. These women. This house on the mountainside. This sunrise. I live a life today that is awestruck and underscored by the simple act of the rising sun casting long shadows across my world view. Life providing me with the benefit of peaceful tranquility that is stoked and spurred by the coffee in my cup.
I think of all the moments in my life, so many blessed and cherished ones. And perhaps the best ones ever have occurred in living rooms such a this, on a mountainside with a rising sun with people I love and care for deeply.
Today is no different. I am here, in this place, deeply attached to this life of mine. The places I get to visit, the love I get to share, express and experience. And each new experience this ever evolving state of grace. This deep and abiding intimacy with this whirlwind experience of a life more fully lived as the sunrises over deeply forested hillsides and slopes. And so as the sun rises, so do I. My life is ever better for the experience of far away sunlit places awash with friendships and intimacies in a verdant wood.
