The Desert...

For me everything becomes clearer in the desert.  I am not sure if it is the sweltering heat that alters my brain function, the lack of distractions, the need to drill down to things more basic to really see things, the spectacular sunsets...there is just a part of me that comes to life, so it would seem, only when I am here, in the desert.

Away with my daughter this weekend, Palm Springs.  I love the funky weird vibe.  I love the heat and clarity I feel when here.  I wouldn’t want to live here full time, heat like this is only something I enjoy for a long weekend.  But spending time here over a long winter would be just fine with me.

This is the first time I have been away with my daughter in some time. Just the two of us alone.  A lot has happened since we last traveled together.  Relationships have ended, boundaries set and crossed, life has marched forward but somehow we still have the ability to enjoy each other and time away together...

The sunset was magical last night.  A cotton candy pink and blue that gave way to a fiery red and orange.  I can’t say which one I liked more...

I didn’t sleep well, intermittently too hot then too cold, very desertesque.  Weird dreams and a free floating anxiety I couldn’t really trace to a particular source.  Maybe I am just going to be that person from here on out, I can leave home but then I will feel anxious about being gone.  The first day of a road trip always makes me feel out of sorts and kind of sad...lonely even.  It always passes but that first day always gets me.

I have been to this resort three years ago to the month. That trip was the start of something that just ended a few months ago. Weird to be back here now, with all the feelings and Issues I have with the way that particular storyline played out and ended. I totally didn't see the beginning that happened because of that trip, and I absolutely did not see the ending either...but life Is like that.

I am looking forward to a nice day lounging at the pool.  Then dinner and a fun evening supporting a friend.  I am aware of how lucky I am to be here with her, to have her in my life.  To get these moments where she is sitting next to me in the car and laughing and smiling.  I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I am very grateful.

I was supposed to be having this other weekend with my bestie.  But she got really sick and couldn’t come.  While I am super sad that we aren’t having the weekend we planned, I am happy that my friend is feeling better and getting some rest.  We will plan another weekend away soon.  And I shall do my best to remain grateful that God has a way of reorganizing things to be exactly as they are supposed to be...I miss my friend but have been gifted this time with my daughter after a very hard Spring.  Reminds me that God is always going to take what I think and alter it so that what I need comes before what I want.  And this weekend, I get to learn that in the desert, under blazing skies and poolside heat stroke...

Again, still...