The Hard Road
It is kinda of my road. I don’t seem to have any access to the easy road. I guess, if I am really honest, I do not even see the easy road. It remains a fictionalized passage reserved for other people.
I am just on this path. This road that feels very hard a great deal of the time. I know that it is really the only path for me so I accept it and move on. But there are times when I really wish that I could believe there was another road.
I feel like my journey is doing hard things over and over again without anesthesia. And I don’t want to be numb or really even out of pain, I mean life is painful by design. It has to be otherwise we learn nothing in this evolution. We just repeat the same pattern over and over again. And we never get anywhere at all.
For me the hard road is the only way forward. I don’t see another road. I just see this one. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get overwhelmed and feel completely out of sorts. Or wish, sometimes desperately, for an easier passage. But the hard road has become my friend because it is the place that I am pushed to move forward in my spiritual evolution. And the older I get, the more convinced I am that that matters more than we might think.
I woke up awhile ago and have tried to go back to sleep many times but that is the problem with awakening...you must continue to wake up further and see your own dysfunction. Address that dysfunction and continue to look for it everywhere. It isn’t so you can become a better person, it is so you can live within your own skin without screaming.
It is easier for me since I gave up the idea that there was another road, an easier one. I don’t believe that anymore. There is just this one road in my life, and it may meander through some pretty interesting terrain, but it is always just this one road. Other people may appear to have a lot of options, but me, I just get this one. And I have become grateful for that.
“Long walk part of gift” I have heard it said. I would add “Hard road also gift”. I can see that my experiences in this life has added up to provide me access to a higher self and a more service oriented life. I had to be forced, pushed and I have complained a lot. However, I have come to find that this life that I am living, this very hard road I travel, the best I can do with the life I have been given. My job is just to walk it. Learn what I can. Share that with others. And keep walking.
The temptation of the idea of another road becomes less and less important in my life as I trudge this hard road of my own destiny. I can see that while there might be paths that are easier, I know today, those wouldn’t be my life. Those paths and lives are meant for others, not me. And I can see that this road I walk in this life, hard as it may be at times, is the best one for me and it is ok to sit down along the roadside sometimes and cry, or laugh, or take a nap. The hard road will always wait until I can muster up the strength to keep going.