The Power of Noticing...

How many things in our lives do we miss because we fail to notice?  Just miss it completely because we are consumed with thoughts of self, or work, or whatever.  I think if there is a drug today that could be sold for millions of dollars with little to no negative side effects, it would be noticing.

The power of your attention to another is gas.  It is exactly like pouring jet fuel on another person’s flame.  The hot, intensity that comes from someone seeing you and then taking the time to let you know that not only did they see it, they stopped their internal dialogue long enough to bring you into their loop and tell you that they saw you, really saw you.

Noticing is a clarifying agent.  It makes super clear everything around that which you notice.  What you eat, who you spend your time with, how you move through the world, is all made richer, deeper and more intense by the power of your own attention.  When someone else notices that you wore your hair differently, started working out, lost weight, achieved some new goal in your personal life or work, fell in love, got the promotion, suddenly everything you were already celebrating becomes larger, better and more meaningful to you.  It is by this other person seeing you and taking the time to let you know that they really SAW you, that everything you have just accomplished or simply are, is magnified in feeling and reality.

Other people make us feel better.  The act of sharing something with someone else is a great multiplier.   Trite as it may be, I do believe joy shared is doubled and pain shared is halved.   And so when someone notices you, your accomplishments, your stunning personality, great looks, and peculiarities (with a celebratory joy of all that makes you, you)  it is like someone added a doubling agent to whatever good is going within you.

We pay attention to the things we value.  We give our time and energy to causes that catch our notice and captivate us.  The things we notice are the things that hold inherent value for us.  It is very clear to see what a person values, just look at what they notice and give their attention to...it isn’t hard to see evidence of what matters to them just by virtue of what they notice and how they spend their time.  They might tell you something completely different, but their actions, well they perhaps tell a truer story.

The fine art of noticing is a curated gift you give yourself and others.  Having the lives, interests and piccadilos of others come to your full attention is an art.  Seeing how you take your coffee, what lights up your face and life, how you look when you are in pain, what you say when you are scared, what you do when you feel safe.  These are the building blocks to intimate connection.  We cannot value what we do not see.  And we cannot see things we aren’t looking for unless, on some rare occasions, it just happens to slap us right up side the head.

We live in a noisy, loud world where it feels everyone clamors for more and more attention.  Our society has taken “fame” and made it accessible to everyone with an internet connection.  Now there are millions of reels posted everyday of people who are trying to garner your attention, follows and likes.  We have monetized attention and harnessed the fine art of attention. And in so doing, have watered it down to almost nothing.  How a person is, what they do, how they live has all been reduced to 30 second sound bites and stands in for true knowledge.  You cannot KNOW someone from a few Instagram posts.  You can see what they want you to see, but you can’t see them, not really.

There is great power in the noticing.  Who you see and who you do not, where you spend your time and attention, in what ways you give yourself over to life and living and those about you.  It is important and besides time, it may be the only real thing we have left to give in this world of ever spiraling costs, income and wealth.  In today’s world, real connection is born of observation, intention and stillness.  We cannot notice that which never ever registers.

How someone takes their coffee.

They way they play with their hair when they are nervous.

The way they light up when they talk about something they love.

The way their face clouds over when they hurt.

The different way they move their body through space and time when they are afraid.

All the very many things they say in order to not say the thing that is most true for them.

These are not telegraphed with audacity and volume.  They are subtle.  They require attention paid.  They require an ability to get outside yourself long enough to take in another.  They require a willingness to see that which is perhaps just underneath the surface, the neatly packaged person who is attempting to sell you something other than what might be more true, real and authentic.  Noticing provides the person safety to be exactly who they are. And it provides you a reality in which to form deep, intimate and lasting bonds.

Again...still the power of attention is perhaps the greatest thing we have to offer each other and it comes, always, married up with our time. If you want to see what a person values, see how they spend their time.  If you want to see who a person values, see who they notice.