Every time there is a full moon, my sleep is disrupted. I am on edge and awake. Depending on the time of year, sometimes it is the light being thrown all about my bedroom. Sometimes, like now, it is just there and there is something deep within me that knows it.
My kids are similarly affected. My son is prowling around the yard now, at 5:25 am on a Saturday after being up all night. This makes me more than mildly irritated.
What is it about a full moon that feels like it gets under my skin? What is it about a moon very far away that seems to have impact on my life and my internal being every month?
The one tonight is The Snow Moon. Named because historically the heaviest snows usually happened in February. Well that happened this year, I mean not where I live but all over the country the sky dumped copious amounts of the white stuff everywhere...even in places that normally do not get snow. It is also known as the hunger moon because heavy snow falls made hunting harder and so the people often went hungry. And I can feel that, a growing hunger in my belly...a yearning for something that I do not possess. I feel somewhat consumed by an almost insatiable desire...for touch, for connection, for sex. I feel occupied by the moon...
Sometimes when my sleep is all f’ed up, I go outside and sit in the moonlight. I find it best to do this with a partner, one who doesn’t mind being jostled out of bed, and go sit in the hammock and stare up at the moon and all its radiant glory. Sometimes the moon wakes me like an incessant lover, calling me to it, awake, alert and tenderly demanding. Whether coupled or alone, the moon beckons and I obey. Comfortably wrapped in a warm blanket, nothing between me and the moon but a great deal of cool, crisp sky.
I am going to try to get more sleep tonight since my last night was disruptive and not great. But again I am not in charge of how much I get and for how long. The increase in light and whatever other magic the moon brings, is way more powerful than me. Studies have shown that most people sleep less on nights with a full moon and got to bed later. Yep, sounds about right!
But if my sleep is disrupted again tonight, I am going to allow myself to be pulled outside and to marvel in the moonlight. Marvel at the life I have, the gifts I have been given, and even though I will sit alone this time, I will bathe in the moonlight like I might if I were two, not one. Fully present and intent on allowing the pull of the moon to change me.
And as I sit there I will try to know the hunger, I will do what I can to quell the ravenous spirit that often rages inside me. I will allow it to spill all about me and consume what it will. I feel the esurient desire of the Snow Moon and I will just allow it to be there, consuming parts of me known and unknown, examined and unexamined and trust that the privilege I have always known that hunger always dissipates regardless of satisfaction...hunger can demand to be satiated but true satisfaction comes in its own time and can't be rushed. Tonight, I will sit in the moonlight and allow my hunger to rage without satisfaction until I learn whatever it is I am supposed to know...
