Things I am Weirdly Bad At...

I am a fairly competent person, but there are some deficiencies...

Things like:

Remembering someone's name four seconds after they tell you.

Folding a fitted sheet.

Understanding why the printer has suddenly decided it no longer knows you.

Putting something somewhere “safe” and ever finding it again.

Parallel parking when someone is watching.

Finding your car in a parking lot.

Just last Friday I was parked in a garage in Santa Monica.  I went to retrieve my car and it wasn’t there.  The parking garage looked EXACTLY the same.  But my car was nowhere in sight.  Luckily for me, my car comes with its own app and that app keeps track of my car better than me...it was the wrong parking garage!  Thankfully I looked at the app before I called the police.  I mean, I was seconds from doing that. How embarrassing!

Knowing how much pasta to make for two people.

Getting the end of the tape off the roll.

Getting out of IKEA without becoming existentially lost.

Getting Bluetooth to connect to the thing you actually want it connected to.

Knowing where a downloaded file went.

Ending a conversation with someone who doesn't understand that the conversation has ended.

Knowing whether you're supposed to hug someone.

Pretending you heard someone after you've already said “what?” twice.

Knowing when an avocado will be ripe.

Changing a duvet cover without briefly reconsidering your will to live.

Making the bed without a cat immediately undoing your work.

Understanding fractions on a tape measure.

Remembering to text you back if I do not respond .01 seconds after you send me a message.

The list is longer but I think you probably stopped reading 14 things ago...

We all have this list.  Things that we are just bad at while being exceptionally good at other things. I will save that list for another day, today I am just kind of marveling at how very much I just don’t do well in this life, yet I am still here, living it.  I mean, this is a pretty good list.  

I suppose if I am being completely honest, I should add commitment to the list. Not dating. I'm actually pretty fucking good at dating. It's commitment where I seem to lose the plot. But that's considerably less fun to talk about than avocados, so moving on.

I have to admit a perversion, I kind of like this list.  I mean, I am not the only one bad at the above things, but these are mine, and you have yours...and they, in part, make us who we are.  We all have these little peccadillos.  They add nuance and substance to our character.  They are our flaws, but also funny things that make us more interesting, vexing and real.

My conclusion?

Competence is overrated.

We hide the wrong flaws.

Maybe these aren't even flaws. Maybe they're just the tiny bits of evidence that despite all appearances, none of us has completely figured out how to be a person.

And frankly, I find that comforting.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find the thing I put somewhere safe...