Things I Refuse to Feel Guilty About Anymore...

Not the big, obvious things. I'm thinking about all the tiny ways we apologize for occupying our own lives.

Things like:

Not answering the phone just because it rings.

Spending money on something ridiculous that brings you disproportionate joy.

Having way too many cats.

Going to bed absurdly early.

Changing your mind.

Not finishing a book you hate.

Saying no without producing a closing argument explaining why.

Having an entire day when you accomplish absolutely nothing.

Not liking someone everybody else seems to adore.

Wanting to be invited even though you have absolutely no intention of going.

Taking the good parking spot.

Not being reachable all the fucking time.

Wanting your house, your time, your bed, your money—or your french fries—to yourself.

Doing something simply because you fucking like it.

I don't want to be selfish. But I am increasingly unwilling to confuse having preferences with being selfish.  I used to “should” a lot.  Like all the time.

Because we're taught to treat a surprising number of perfectly ordinary desires as moral questions.  And while, perhaps, for some people, they are morality in action, perhaps we all just get to decide that for ourselves.  What none of us can avoid is the consequences of our actions, or inactions.  So for me, it comes down to a question of whether or not I want to pay the consequence, rather than should I do something anymore...

 I used to “should” a lot.  Like all the time.

Should I spend the money? 

Should I take the afternoon off? 

Should I say no? 

Should I go because they'll be disappointed? 

Should I offer? 

Should I explain? 

Should I feel bad?

Sometimes the answer can simply be:

I don't fucking want to.

And maybe that's enough.

Again, still...