Waiting...

UGH, I fucking hate it!

I want what I want fucking NOW!

Well, at least that is what I think I want.

Waiting used to be so hard for me.  Like it was excruciating.

The older I get, the easier it becomes to just know that everything has its right timing and I gain almost nothing, except a great deal of emotional anguish, when I try to force my will upon the situation, the people or my life.

I am learning, slowly, that there is a grand divine timing to this whole living thing. And when I can get behind the omniscience of the universe, I can relax and trust that everything is working out exactly the way it should.

Forcing my will gets me results.  But I find myself often wondering, if what occurs due to the application of my will, is really for the best...and so it is becoming easier to wait.

Which is kind of weird since the older I get the less time I have to do pretty much anything in this life, so waiting would seem to be less easy rather than more.

But I think it is the wisdom we gain as life rounds out our sharper points that gives us the ability to trust, to wait and to accept that not everything we want is good for us, works out the way we want it to and results in what we think should happen.

I am still not the biggest waiting fan and patience is still not my best attribute.  But I am getting better at it and have an ever growing faith that what is meant for me finds me, eventually.

Again, still...