Whack! F#%!, Is a Game, Not a Lifestyle...OH!
What am I even talking about?
Someone sent me this really cute video of a cat and a baby goat. The goat tries to playfully head butt the cat, nicely, in a sweet goat kind of way, and the cat WHACKS! him with her paw. The audio voices over the cat’s actions “WHACK!” With the baby goat saying “FUCK!” It is adorable. And somewhat poignant for me...
I can’t tell you how often in interactions with other humans I have felt like this. I am coming in playfully, thinking that I am cute and endearing, thinking that the person I am approaching thinks I am adorable and awesome. I approach all full of love and light and fun, and when I get just close enough, WHACK! And let me tell you I have said “FUCK!” so very many times.
What is important is how often I did not realize that the WHACK! was even possible. I mean like at all. I think that I am going to get a hug, a laugh, a loving embrace, something kind, but instead, WHACK! I have engaged in this pattern so often that it kind of became a lifestyle.
Me engaging with people who were not really interested in me, or they really didn’t like me, but for their own reasons felt like they had to not say that out loud. Their feelings apparent by their lack of excitement at my arrival. And when no one was looking, they were ready to give me the WWF smackdown. And I tolerated, I put up with it. I engaged in it with them...for decades.
It was unacceptable to me that anyone not like me. But that has changed. Now, I can see the WHACK! coming. And for awhile, I just avoided the person in order to avoid the WHACK! Today, my new spiritual practice, is to identify the person who is most likely to give me the WHACK! but to move forward with my life, should my life intersect with theirs. No more altering my course. The WHACK! is all about them, not really me at all. (This is not to say that I don’t sometimes deserve the WHACK! but most often I do not).
And what I have realized is that because I am doing a better job of seeing the WHACK! and the likely deliverer of said WHACK! I can and do a better job of seeing it more as a game. I know it is coming, and so getting all upset by it when it arrives is no longer necessary. “Of course, she was a bitch to me, because she doesn’t like me!” End of thought process.
Now, I will fully admit, I used to get all bent out of shape. I used to get all upset and hurt. But when my self worth stopped being outsourced to people other than me, I changed and what you think of me, the WHACKS! you want to deliver became more of a sport, more of a game. I am not trying to make you hate me, or WHACK! me into next Tuesday, but your need and desire to WHACK! me down, not really my issue anymore. It is yours. And I get to walk away free. Sometimes I will be rubbing my head, thinking “FUCK! that one smarted.” And I will avoid you next time, not because I am afraid of you, I just don’t care to get WHACKED! anymore.
Growth comes in many forms. WHACK! FUCK! Was not a game to me for years. Just felt like a grave injustice that I couldn’t right. That I was trying my best to be this loving, caring person, and somehow it was my job to stop people from feeling the need to WHACK! me down. And today, the growth is that I can see that I got that so wrong.
People are going to WHACK! you sometimes. It is just life. And people. And I get to choose what I do with that. I can take it personally, see it as a game, a challenge, or an invitation to just pretend like you don’t exist in my realm. It is your choice to WHACK!, and my choice as to whether I continue to engage and walk away saying “FUCK!” Or if I can just choose to skip that particular interaction all together. WHACK! FUCK! is not a lifestyle for me anymore. I want not to be WHACKED! anymore than I want to walk away from personal interactions thinking “FUCK!”
And it is also not a game I really want to play anymore. With anyone, even cute cat like people with large swatty paws. I just want to be the cute goat like person who is just happy, leaping all about, enjoying the fuck out of my life, and taking my WHACKS! as they come, because they are just part of life.
What I can do today is see the potential WHACKERS! And make a more conscious choice about whether I want to engage or not. I mean, I do get to choose. I do get to be intelligent in my interactions. I have agency over who I interact with, and who, I just allow a wide berth. I no longer have to engage with potential WHACKERS! Most especially those that have proven themselves to be totally committed to WHACKING! at every turn.
In fact, I have grown into a person who isn’t even interested in playing the game anymore. You want to WHACK! and I have no desire to stop you, engage with you or deal. So you just go right on WHACKING! away, and I will just be over here jumping about, being all goat like and having the time of my life. I have learned that being happy and enjoying your life doesn’t mean that you owe anything to the WHACKERS! of the world, you can just be happy and live your life anyway. Owing them nothing, not even a second thought, care and most certainly not even one more opportunity to cause me to walk away hand to head, wondering what I did to deserve that WHACK! I know, often, it is nothing, it is just that you are a WHACKER! and that is what you do...
And I have grown enough to know that is all about you, and I can just skip you and your WHACKINESS! altogether. And my life hums along just fine without the WHACK! And without my need to say FUCK! WHACK! FUCK! no longer being a game I interested in playing. And certainly not a lifestyle choice for me anymore!