Wild Women...

I used to be wild.  Like really totally feral.  But sobriety evened that out.  Hell, sobriety evened me all the way out.  I mean, it took a couple of decades, but I feel like I can claim emotional balance, most of the time now.  I am not prone to flying off the handle anymore.  I don’t have wide moods swings that cut a swath of pain and sadness through my life.  Most days are pretty benign and I just get to live and love one day at a time.

Perhaps the most wild thing I do these days is sink deeper into spiritual practice.  Come to know God, myself and others through prayer and meditation.  I know, totally WILD!  But if you think about it, it really is.

My life has been a crash course in miracles and near misses.  I have burned the candle at both ends, and started many spot fires throughout the middle.  There have been many times my life looks pretty fucking messy!  And I have hit the proverbial wall, many times.  And I have crashed hard, repeatedly.  I have burned it all down and then found the strength, temerity and audacity to rise from the ashes of the still burning shit show of my life.

But I have become the heroine of my own story.  I have had my own back, repeatedly.  I have compromised myself into not compromising my worth, my value and my interests.  I have had to fuck it up, leaving the smoldering burning embers, and then find the willingness to shift back through all of that to find raw materials with which to rebuild.  It is messy, hard, dirty, smelly work.

I like to think I am doing better.  I don’t have to light it all up anymore.  A very small spot fire is enough to get my attention before it mushrooms into a full conflagration!  It has not been an easy way to live, but I will tell you that while the process may not have been fun to live or watch, the results cannot be argued with...

Today, I feel happy.  I feel joyous.  And I feel free.  I feel like I move about my life taking it all in, seeing, listening, traveling, loving and showing up for this most amazing life I have worked so hard to have.  Today, it was worth every second of pain, loss, devastation and hardship.  I have risen time and again from the ashes of the fires of my own creation to claim and reclaim my wild woman status.  Wild just means something very different to me today...and that definition, like me, is a work in progress!

Again...still.

Always.