10,000 Things...

Not actually 10,000 but a lot.  In Buddhism, it refers to 10,000 dharmas.  Or more generally, the multitude of all phenomena and existence.  For my purposes, I am talking about all the connections, missed connections, people, things, moments that pass to move us to be in one place at one time for that ever elusive moment of grace to happen to us.

When I think of all the things that had to happen for me to hit a bottom with drinking, I am amazed.  It is other worldly for sure.  All the seeds that were planted years earlier.  The people that came into my life, and the people who were removed.  I was given exactly the right amount of pain that I had the audacity to hope for a life with less and believe it might be possible, and not so much pain that I just gave up and in and drank myself to death.  10,000 things.

There is such a front story to grace.  So much ground work that happens before the experience of actual grace.  So many things, people, places and events come to pass before we are able to access the grace that is all around us.  

I have long said that love is like gravity.  It applies to each of us equally.  I am not more affected by gravity than you.  The laws of gravity apply to each of in the same way and manner.  However, when it comes to love and loving, our experiences are quite different.  And that is all because of these active minds we have that interpret our world and its characters. And tell us things that we believe to be true, when in reality, there are many truths.  So love, unlike gravity, doesn’t apply to each of us equally because we have these minds that re-write the story and cause our experience of “gravity” to be different. Whereas, no one really argues with how much they are affected by gravity, we all just know.

Yesterday I was reminded to slow down to better experience the 10,000 things.  To be more awake to the present moment.  Life is beautiful and I limit how much beauty I get to experience so very much.  Not because it isn’t there, but because I refuse to see it because I am too busy, too preoccupied with getting what I want, or being afraid I will lose what I have.  Self gets in the way of my experience of the 10,000 things.

I will never be so evolved that I experience the 10,000 things each of their own accord. But I do believe I can slow down some more and get to maybe see the connection of one thing to another, better.  There is so much grace around us, but we are paralyzed by our momentary personal assessment of what is happening.  Our deep seated need to make things bad or good.  Instead of living in the world where it just is.

I am going to try to stop my incessant desire to label it all good and bad and what I like and what I do not.  Because I am pretty sure that all of my desires and aversions are very much part and parcel to the 10,000 things.  And the amazement and joy in this life comes from seeing that you only get to be awed by the 10,000 things when you elect to free yourself from craving and avoidance.  Stop trying to suit everything to your idea of perfection, and see that the 10,000 things will always contain both, things you like and things you hate.  But regardless of their label, both are absolutely necessary for your survival and when you see the golden thread of experience that connects, links you to others and experience, you will see the futility of the struggle to demand to have it all your way.  The experience of grace will always require you to see that your way is so pathetically limited. And the 10,000 things can only be experienced when seen.

Again, still...