That ever elusive thing. I have always felt like I didn’t have enough of...and yet, on this day that I have traditionally hated, loathed and bitched about, I am sitting in my sanctuary, writing about love on Valentine’s Day and feeling so loved. Not sad, envious or hard-hearted.
As I sit here, sun kissed and my belly full of chocolate covered strawberries that I bought myself, I am alone but I feel connected, loved, appreciated, cared for and blessed.
I can say on this day that celebrates love, I have never felt more loved or blessed, never.
And today, it is how I feel about myself on the inside. I like me today. I even love me today. Not in the arrogant and boastful way I always have felt about myself in the past, a kind of defensive love that is fragile and easily marred by lack of attention. But true, pure love. I do not want to be anyone else, or feel differently than I do right now. I feel an overflowing of love for my children and my pets, my friends, my family.
I went to the farmer’s market to get carrot tops for my chickens, rabbits and guinea pig because it makes them so happy. Today I stood there watching them while they munched happily on the veggies of my labor and marveled at how the not so simple task of going to the farmer’s market on Sunday brings untold amounts of joy to their little lives. I watched them eat happily in the sunshine, crunching on the throw aways. The remnants of what the humans world found not useful. And I was reminded that there is no waste in God’s world. No waste, no want. There is enough for all of us.
Enough right here, right now.
And today, on this day that I have vowed more than once to hate, I love. I love the life I have and I love enough. I love and live in this day with all of myself. I am peaceful and joyous for the moment and I am grateful to all who I have connected with today and pray that all of you get to feel the way that I do right now. Loved. Loving. Love.
And that is perhaps the most important lesson of this Valentine’s Day - I can only give away that which I have, and until right this day, I did not have love to give. I am not sure why it all feels different for me today but it does. I am changed. Because I am feeling the love, inside and outside, everywhere. Love is everything. Love it the point. Love is what makes all of our lives worthwhile and meaningful and whole.
Today I read the Facebook celebrations of love with an kind and open heart, no bitterness that I do not have romantic love in my life today, I am filled to the brim with the sisterhood love, the brotherhood love, the friendship love, the familial love, the love of God. Today, I feel all those and I am good. I have enough and because I do, I feel able and willing to love all of you.
Today, I love, love. In all its many and varied forms, none is more important than the love I feel for myself...in this day in my life, right here. And I realize now that the love I feel for me, is the only place that I can generate a true and abiding love for everyone. Love is an inside job...always. May you all feel love enter you like a sunbeam on a beautiful day...and may it melt away the pain, the fear and the loneliness. Happy Valentine's Day...to all.