Gratitude for a Day of Thanksgiving...

Today is my favorite holiday for a variety of reasons:  the food, the gathering of loved ones, the focus on all the blessings we have in this life, the ability to give of our time and home and selves, and the time to reflect on this idea that in our lives, despite the uncertainty of the time, there is still much to be grateful for...

It has felt like a long month.  I set out to bring to the month of November, 30 days of gratitude and so far, so good.  But there have been mornings, where I really didn’t feel it.  I had to search my mind and a couple of times, google, to see what gratitude topic to write about. Other days, I knew what I wanted to write about two days prior.  A whole list of items of thankfulness just waiting to be revealed.

And this seems fitting, this sporadic and fluctuating nature of my ability to see the grace in everything.  Some days I am swimming in it, and other days I throw rocks at it from the shore, very ungrateful indeed.  I curse at the flow of gratitude and cross my arms in a defiant expression of my complete inability to fold myself into this whole endeavor.  And that about sums up my life and living thus far.  I am in it deeply, and then I am walking in a completely different direction all pissed off about whatever the fuck it might be.  The reasons vary but the behavior remains the same.

Today, I look forward to cooking, and cleaning and hosting.  It is a gift I enjoy giving every year.  I will also own that I always host because I want to be in control of the menu.  Since it is my most favorite meal of the year, I want to ensure that certain dishes are present and accounted for...and it is kind of rude to show up at someone else’s home, with 12 side dishes.  I mean, that is controlling taken just a little too far.  So I hide it beneath the guise of hosting.  You can bring whatever you like, but I will ensure the stuff I need and want is here and available.

And it occurs to me, that this is self care at its most basic level.  If I want or need something, then I need to be willing to put forth the effort into creating an opportunity for it.  But I can also invite others to contribute.  I know I likely would do well to every once in awhile to just go with the flow and allow someone else to take over.  But alas, control is a very heady drug of choice for me. Perhaps the final frontier, that is also, admittedly, littered with sex and spending issues.  Not a bad trifecta really:  sex, control and shopping.  Three of my most favorite things!  Today, they are pretty under wraps, but they are here, in some dysfunctional form, or another.  And I see that and I own it.

Today, I pray for each of you that you are surrounded, mired even, in love and thanksgiving.  That you are able to find something, several somethings to be grateful for, and that you are loved and loving.  That you are able to walk with grace today and be present for all this most lovely holiday holds.  That you are capable of owning all parts of yourself and find some willingness to love even those hard, pointy, sharp and toxic parts of yourself as well.  Often, those parts are the parts most in need of love and understanding, and often receive it least.

May you be well today.

May you be free of suffering.

May you be thankful for the food you receive, the company you keep and the idea that today’s focus is on the bounty that abounds in our lives and those about us.

May we all offer a little kindness today, to be present for those about us and endeavor to be a good example of our human existence in harmony with others.

May we all be kind, may we all be free and may we all be thankful for days like today.

Again, still...

I am grateful for

Making it home safely

All the help I got from the kids

A clean rug and house

Having time to rest and relax last night

Meditation this morning

A lovely vacation with my family

All the amazing birthday wishes I got from everyone yesterday

A new meditation practice

Not giving up when things don’t go the way I want

Creating space and time for my life

Thanksgiving day

The ability to re-center myself continually