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A Nickel Given

I found a nickel this morning. It was just laying on the floor. I made a big production out of giving it to my camping mate. He received it well. Something that was once upon a time hard for him, even something as small and seemingly insignificant as a nickel from an RV floor.

A few moments later, he found a quarter and presented it to me with similar fanfare. I was able to receive my initial gift back, five fold. We laughed.

The money exchange was insignificant, the opportunity to each give and receive priceless.

This is how it works I have found. That which we give away always come back to us. Be it kindness, love, time, attention. These are the things we have to give. And they are the only things that matter in the analysis. And often, that which we give away, seemingly small in the offering, comes back to us five fold, and many times more.

I know it may seem silly to think that a nickel found and presented to another is really all that meaningful. But this morning it was. The person that I gave it to, does not accept things from others easily. In fact, spent most of his life giving those things to others and being receiving resistant. I get that. Me too.

It was always such a hard ask in receiving. It generated in me such a fakeness. I felt compelled to make you feel great about the gift given, even if I didn’t like it or want it. Your act of giving was something that made me innately uncomfortable and uneasy. Now I felt I had an obligation to give to you similarly whether I wanted to or not. I now had a debt that had to be repaid and I always kind of felt irritated because I would have never willingly taken on such a debit.

Of course, I completely missed the point. For most of my life, I missed the fact that I was important enough to someone else that they took the time, the effort to give me something. I missed the spiritual transaction that occurred. I missed that I was being given an opportunity to receive.

Like so many things in my life, I have been overly good at one thing and piss poor at another. Like this whole giving and receiving thing. I was a good giver but a poor receiver. Today I know that I actually sucked at both. Because score keeping and feeling burden by the generosity of others means that I was never a good giver either because I truly missed the entire point.

As always happens when I am removed from my own way, I am provided a view of a better path, a better view on life and my circumstances. It is all unfolding and amazing. Even if it is sometimes incredibly painful. The gift is always right in there with the pain. Pain, growth, joy, every damn time.

This morning I gave and I received. Five times what I gave. Both feelings met with kindness and generosity of spirit. But the moment I was most present, most whole, most complete was in the moment that I found something that I wanted to share with another. It mattered not that it was a nickel on the floor. The item given isn’t the point, it is that place inside me where I feel moved to provide something I have to another. I reach out beyond myself and make an effort to connect with another being.

This morning it worked out pretty well for me. I gave a nickel and received a quarter. The largest gift though was in being with someone with whom I wanted to give to and receive from. My worth not all tied up in my own feelings of lack. I was just present here and now and that allowed for there to be an exchange between two souls. First in the giving then in the receiving.

I can see now that I have missed a great deal in my life in my stubborn refusal to occupy my presence. So many opportunities to give and receive that completely passed me by because I was so absent in my presence that no spiritual exchange could ever take root and grow.

And that is my experience with this life, sometimes you are having coffee on a foggy morning in an RV and a simple offering in a humorous manner results in seeing the larger whole of my purpose. And sometimes, because I am there living this life, I am rewarded five fold.

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