A State of Resistance...

We all tell stories.  We all tell ourselves all kinds of shit to help us deal with life and all its lifeyness.  But what we frequently do not see is that these stories are what keep us stuck in a cycle of resistance...and the only way to break free is to notice we are doing it...

There are many ways to access this part of yourself that is resistance writing that are effective, I believe anything that helps you see that you are stuck in a habitual pattern works.  You just have disrupt the internal narrative long enough to see that YOU are the one keeping you captive to a life you do not want...

Meditation is helpful for gaining insight into things that you might gloss over otherwise.  The only thing that really matters is that you see your story is the thing keeping you stuck in a life you do not enjoy, want or value.

How do you get yourself unstuck from yourself?

I used to feel such resistance to working out.  Like I wanted the body that comes from working out, but I lacked the ability to get beyond my own resistance.  I would set the intention, but then I would be tired, or feel weird about walking into a place where everyone was younger and fitter than me, I would feel overly self conscious and I would abandon all hope of any kind of change.  

And this narrative ran for years.  I wanted the results but the work I could not do wasn’t the time in the gym it was getting over myself to actually go to the gym in the first place...that was the hardest thing.

But I got over myself, I got over the story I kept telling myself that it was too hard, I was too old, I was too out of shape, that it was all just too hard. Now I go to the gym all the time and have for years.  I am often one of the oldest people there, but I am also now one of the fittest, for my age group and for several other age groups.  And I feel good about myself.  And I feel good about spending time in a community of like minded people who also want to feel better about themselves and how they live this life they have.  Something that I struggled with for years, changed because I changed the story and my relationship with it.

I was in resistance against myself.  And that could not be changed until I was willing to see that I was the thing holding me back and away and down.

Stories are seductive and appear very true, but they aren’t.  Any one of us can change the narrative anytime we like.  But we concretize the internal narrative and it becomes fact for us:

I am too old

I am too young

I am too out of shape

I am not good enough

I am too damaged

I am too afraid

I am too over committed

I am too anxious

I am too ______ whatever the fuck you are currently telling yourself...

All you have to do is change your mind and anything is possible.  Anything at all.

In my experience that which I resist only gets stronger.  And this is never more true than with my own self imposed ideas and limitations.  It all starts with a story, based loosely on reality, and I am off on another tangent, and my life is summarily curtailed or expanded based on what that story is and how much I believe it.

For me acceptance is always the answer...I can resist all I want but the true change will not come until and unless I can accept that I am the architect of my own life.  I am the one that limits or expands it as the case may be.  Me.  I am the one.  That has always been the case and so it shall likely always be. 

When I find I am in a state of resistance, for me, the first thing I have to do is soften towards the things I am resisting.  It is only then that power gets freed up for me to use it differently and perhaps to an end I actually want instead of all that time and energy I spend resisting something that I am low key supporting with all of my actions...

And for me the openness I find is right there, available to me at all times, I find the willingness to pull my own covers and ask the very hard question:  “What story am I living in that is keeping me stuck in a cycle of resistance?”  Once I become curious enough to ask the question, true change begins.  Not without fear and doubt and worry and sometimes, down right panic...but change begins right there where I am open and available enough to myself to ask myself why the fuck I am living the way I am?

Again, still...

So perhaps ask yourself, “what story are you living in today that is keeping you stuck in a pattern of resistance?”  Perhaps do not answer right away...perhaps, just pause and see what comes up for you.  What are you so afraid of knowing about yourself?  And what might happen if you found the tools to ask yourself something else?  What might happen if you stopped all that resisting and allowed yourself to dwell in the narrative you keep spinning that keeps you forever stuck in a very sticky web of living that you do not really love?  Who might you be if you had the courage to ask yourself hard questions, instead of being a narrative story teller in your own life that only really produces resistance to yourself and the life you want to live?

Let me know what you find out!