An Open Hand...
I didn’t start off life with this ability. I clutched all that landed in my hand tightly to my chest. A death grip or casual blow off. I appreciated little that landed, saw them only as things to either manipulate into staying or casually brushing them off as if they mattered little to nothing.
Lately I have been given the gift of seeing this differently...my job, my only job, is to keep my hand open to receiving. Everything that lands is meant for me, but I am not in charge of the timing, or the lesson learned or even the pain suffered...my only job, is to just allow whatever lands to be there until it stays or goes.
I have started this practice of thanking the universe for every little thing I notice landing...a bird at the bird feeder, a walk with my daughter, a date, a good moment at work, a good feeling, a sadness, a fear...and it has drastically changed my perspective on my life. I see all that comes and goes as temporary but in that perspective I have come to value the people and beings in my life more, not less...
Which is new because when I was so busy clutching and grasping, the inherent value in those beings I so desperately tried to keep from leaving, really had little to no value. Instead it would appear that their value was tangled up in my ability to force them to stay. That somehow the struggle to remain was what I valued and missed the being all together. Now this is not every being and all the time...just mostly.
And now, I see my job is just to keep my mind and hand open, allow whatever comes to land and to appreciate it as much as I can while it is here. Knowing that all things must come to pass eventually and that instead of spending the time that they are there being terrified that I will lose what I have or not get what I want, to just be content and happy for whatever it is that is here right now. That is all.
This is a gift given to me, I know this because this massive change in orientation and perspective has come without warning and very little effort on my part. When something or someone lands and I feel the urge to close my hand, God whispers in my ear, “the value is only right here, right now, holding onto it will immediately and drastically alter the goodness you feel right now.” And so I allow my palm to remain open, no fist tightened. Just stand there with my hand out, allowing whatever come to land and then to go when it is time.
I am sure there will be some things that will be harder to watch fly away. But I do have this amazing and deep trust that all that is meant for me will come, go and remain. In short, I am letting it all go and enjoying whatever remains one moment at a time. It feels amazing and the temporariness of it is a huge part of the joy.