• eschaden

Ataraxia?

Well, maybe some of you are like, “what the hell is that?”


I love words. The more out there, the better. I collect them. I have a word journal which I know probably qualifies me for at least runner up for nerd of the year. I can’t help it, I love them.


My close friends know this about me and so they send new and interesting words to me. Yesterday my friend Jayme sent me this one which was weird on a couple of levels.


Ok, what is ataraxia? It is a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety or a calmness, specifically untroubled by mental and emotional disquiet. Tranquility.


I LOVE THIS...for a couple reasons.


First off, what a cool word to describe something that none of us really seem to feel all that often. I mean when was the last time you were talking to someone and they talked your ear off about how calm and undisturbed they were by their emotional disquiet? Ummmm, like never. At least that is how my conversations go with the people I know. We are not usually sitting around talking about how calm we are, no, we are usually talking about the emotional shitstorms that are kicking our ass.


The next reason is that there is actually a word to describe how I have been feeling lately. I mean, don’t get me wrong, last week I was emotionally disquiet and anxious as a mother fucker. But then, Friday morning at the beach, I achieved ataraxia. I just let all the shit go that I was worried and stressed about, and just sank into this calmness about the world, the pandemic, my life, things in my life that are unchangeable, my health, my dad’s dementia, my son and his issues, my daughter and the things I fear for her, my job. I just released it all and ever since I left all that yucky crap on the beach, I have been in this state of ataraxia. And fuck, it does feel good!


I also am excited about putting this word out there because perhaps if more people knew about it, the more we could talk about it and then maybe we could all feel it a little more. I mean bring it up the next time you are in a big group, and probably very few people will have much to say. But shit, start talking about anxiety and fear and longing and crap like that and everyone will get right in there with you.


This seems messed up to me. We can all relate to being neurotic messes, but calmness and emotional quiet discussions leave us all standing there looking at each other awkwardly.


So I am putting this word out there for all of us. Some new goal for us to achieve, encourage in each other in the face of this crazy fucked up world we are currently living in. This rapid evolution of souls that is occurring right now. I think it is likely to get worse before it gets better and I think if there is one thing that will shield us from more dumpster fires it is ataraxia.


If all of us begin to work on finding calm within ourselves and allowing that to grow, then perhaps the world at large will vibrationally change too. We begin with our own internal landscape and that helps the world be altered and elevated from our current very low vibrational frequency.


Truth be told, I also like words with x’s and z’s and q’s. I just think these letters should get more play. I know, I am fucking strange. But these are things that I think about...welcome to my insanity. You are most welcome. Now run!


We cannot escape our delusions, our fears, our anxieties. We must confront them head on and deal with them, work with them, learn to see them for what they are...often not even cleverly crafted stories to keep us stuck in storylines that are loosely based on fact.


I know that my mind is quiet more lately and that feels really good. I am in this place where God and I are super tight. I see divinity in all that I do, all that is happening to me. I feel cared for and supported. I am walking hand and hand with the universe...for now. I know this is a fleeting situation. I know that I cannot stay here forever, some person, place or thing will come along and knock me off my game. Force me to feel things that are inconvenient, painful, hard, frightening, sad, depressing and all the other emotions that I have avoided feeling the whole of my life. But I am thinking, and again, they are only just thoughts too, that perhaps this new word ataraxia is here to remind me that there is another choice always. I do not have to allow myself to devolve into a neurotic mess just because that is what I always have done, there is another choice. And that choice is moving closer toward respite from the emotional disquiet. (I love that phrase because it is so accurately descriptive of what goes on inside my head). I can move toward calm internal spaces in my mind, for they exist always, I just often sail right past them because settling into disturbance seems to be a superpower of mine.


Today I know that there is a state of being that is contrary to that, a place where I can just be present, feel peaceful tranquility and float above the emotional disquiet of my mind. It is really possible, I know because I have been in this state since Friday. And now that I have directions, I can go here any time I want, for any reason. And I can remember that doing habitual things, takes me to the places I have longed to leave. Doing something different, always makes the journey and the destination better. Ataraxia, let that be my new set point. I mean, why the hell not, right? Seems like I have spent enough time in the hustle and struggle, I have earned my seat in the sun...




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