Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful...

I am not talking about physical beauty, I am talking about inner beauty.  But I mean, it could also be outer traits.  But, for me, it doesn’t matter how pretty, hot or sexy the outer wrapping is when the inner core is sick and rotting.  All that outer stuff just melts away and all I can see is the toxic waste dump. And I am referring to myself here as well as others.

Truly beautiful people radiate their beauty from the inside out.  And they own their attractiveness in a way and manner that is both humble and graceful.  And also with an idea that, all they encompass is really a gift from above, so hard to take any credit at all.  I mean, how we look isn’t really about us.  It is about what we do with what we are given.  Like a plot of land, we can cultivate and curate ourselves into being the best version of ourselves, allowing that perfection shall be out of reach, always, but we can aspire to become better versions of ourselves each and every day.

“I allow she has small claims to perfection; but then, I imagine that, if she were more perfect, she would be less interesting.”  Anne Brontë

That rings pretty true.  And I think that all of us are charged with being our own kind of beautiful, curating the inner and outer beauty in a way that fosters a good self esteem and a level of acceptance of all that we are and all that we are not.

I try to work with and on myself daily.  This blog is a part of that.  This is the place I lay bare myself to own those things I am working on, haven’t sorted out just yet, have made small inroads upon, triumphed over, struggled with and against.  I know perfection shall always be out of reach for me, but I also know, that I can make some small claims and also maintain my individuality and hopefully my level of being interesting and interested in and with others.

I feel like it has taken 56 year of living for me to curate this current level of myself.  For the most part, I feel like I have dealt and am dealing with my issues and they are in check, most of the time.  I remain ready and willing to work with whatever God presents for me that indicates a lack of moral fiber and need for spiritual growth.  I feel comfortable in my skin most of the time.  I know that I do my best to take care of myself spiritually, emotionally, physically.  It is my job to work with what I have and curate that into the best version of me I can be so that I can give that to others.  I can show up as my best self for my mom, my children, my friends, sponsees, coworkers, and just the random ass general public that I meet on any given day.

I feel like I got sober and God gave me this amazing life, well, at least a chance at this amazing life.  My job, is to do all I can to improve upon myself, deal with my shit and move forward in my life.  I must always be accountable for my human frailties while also understanding that I will always have them and it does not make me a bad person, but it does create a responsibility in me to work hard to improve upon myself...not in a “I am a terrible person, beat myself senseless sort of way” but in a “I can do better, and so I will kind of way...”

Some of the most beautiful souls I know have had the most tragic, horrible things happen to them.  And it almost took them out. But they found that this dark past is the greatest gift they can and will ever be given...because it is what they can use to help others who are lost in the dark.  Walking humbling in the path of forgiveness and love with a sincere and strong desire to help others, all the others that cross your path, is the best use of my life that I can think of...and I am honored to do so every single day...of course, some days I have a better attitude than others, but I know I try to work to be a little less selfish, a little more caring and humble every single day of my life...to be my own kind of beautiful to thank God for giving me this most amazing and precious life.

Again, still...