Cat & Kitten Fishing...

A milder version of catfishing (where you pretend to be a completely different person), kitten fishing, is where you don’t pretend to be someone else but you present an unrealistic version of yourself. Maybe by using filters in your dating app pictures that change your appearance quite drastically, or bigging up your great personality, fantastic salary, or exciting hobbies. Showing photos of yourself from 10 years ago, 20lbs lighter. It’s not quite as blatant as its sister-term catfishing where you completely misrepresent yourself, but it is still results in a great deal of disappointment.

The old fashioned term for both is lying.  

We all want to put our best foot forward when we meet someone new.  But if you grossly exaggerate your appearance, abilities, skills, salary, hobbies, likes and interests, you are 

L Y I N G!

Good God, just be yourself!  Everyone else is taken.  

No one really wants a better version of you, they just want an actual version of you.  You may not be that person’s cup of tea, but let them see the real you, and decide for themselves.  Wouldn’t you want the same courtesy?

Why are we all pretending?  Be your best self and own your deficiencies, I mean, hey, everyone has them!  Sure there will be people who will pass you by because you aren’t pretending to be something you aren’t, but there are a lot of other people who will like and appreciate you for you.

I like to think of dating as a kind of “leave it better than you found it” kind of situation.  Whomever I might go out with might not be the right person for me, but I can be kind and genuine and real and authentic and leave the person with a good impression and feeling about our interaction no matter how brief it might have been.  There is no reason to lie and misrepresent. And just saying, Karma is a bitch.  So why would you want to put that out there???

Sooner or later your real self will emerge or they will meet you and see that you are 20 pounds heavier than your photos, hate snowboarding and that you actually don’t make 7 figures a year.  How pissed would you be if someone played with your emotions like that?  Who wasted your time and energy and kindness?  The dating world is hard enough as it is, lets all just try to stay in our own lane and be the best us we can be.

It is human nature to exaggerate and also to lie.  But in my experience, we only do this when we are afraid.  Afraid we aren’t going to get something we want, or afraid we will lose something we already have.  And why in the fuck would you want to engage in a relationship with someone who makes you feel afraid all the time.  That sounds absolutely miserable!  

Everyone walking the earth has amazing talents, gifts, issues, traumas (healed and not healed) and this one life to live.  Please, let’s not waste anymore time pretending to be better than we actually are or someone else entirely.  Being human and single and dating is hard enough without all that fishing bullshit going on!

I think being who you are is one of the bravest things you can do in this life. To stand within your own body, mind and soul and just own it. To hold to yourself in ways that show others that this, this is who you and how you are and why you are the way you are. And to stand within that truth despite the almost desperate feeling to be liked, loved and accepted. And to not falter in your unwavering commitment to be you, nothing else. And while being you, remaining open to the inevitable change that comes when you are capable of seeing all the things about that are wonderful and amazing, and being realistic about all the things that are not so great. And then being willing to own those things and work towards becoming a better version of yourself so that you and everyone you come into contact with is better for knowing you.

The world would become a haven for reality and truth and honor and respect. Instead of whatever the fuck it is right now. To me, by owning yourself and being you, we combat the tide of decay that is erroding our social fabric one scroll at a time. I like to think of being me as the most rebellious thing I can do in this life. Which also, in the face of all the pressure to be better than I am, is also about the bravest thing I can do, to stand in my truth and be me, while always working to uncover, discover and discard those parts of me that interfere with my ability to be of service to those about me.

Again...still.

Life's greatest assignment?

Be you, that is all.