Coming Down...

It has been a week!  So much activity and socializing.  So many good things happening all at once.  And I showed up for all of it.  I was where I was supposed to be when I was supposed to be there.  That wasn’t always possible for me.  I wanted to be there, but then I just couldn’t seem to make it happen...

Today I am tired.  After all the stuff that has happened in the last week, I feel like I need a day or so to regroup.  I feel altered, rearranged.  I mean, life does this to us every moment of our lives.  But somehow this feels different.  I am different.  

I just walked through a release of something I have held tightly to...for the whole of my life.  And now it is out there, for everyone and anyone to read, experience, hate, love, and everything in between.  And it is both a wonderful feeling and a lot.

I am still in bed, and I might remain here for some time this morning.  The sun is shining on my fingers as I type, laced through the wisteria over my meditation garden.  The cool Fall air, an open invitation to stay beneath the covers a little longer than usual this morning...

I am not feeling depressed or deflated, just like I am riding into a level of being that I have not experienced for a few days.  A peaceful calm that is not punctuated with activity and socialization.  Just a time to be present and reflect on how very much things have been altered internally.

I am filled with gratitude and feeling so loved and honored.  A feeling that has not been present a lot in my life.  Not that I haven’t been loved and honored a lot in my life, it has been more my trouble accessing those feelings.  Feeling them, allowing them in that has been more of the problem and issue.  Gratitude I feel daily because I have worked hard to cultivate it, tend to it, grow it.

So I am allowing for a second cup of coffee today.  Some extra time in bed and lounging. Not rotting, no, not that.  Just a peaceful abiding that feels more like being than coming down.  And time to reflect on just how far I have come in my life.  How much it has altered and changed.  How much I have become this person I am right now, quietly reflecting on how I got here and how lucky I am to be right here, right now...

It is nice to be home, in my own bed, returning to practices that support and deepen my life.  But it was also nice to be away, disrupted and altered by events that are also life affirming and loving.  Change comes in many forms and engenders many responses...and today as I come down, I am grateful for them all.

Again, still...