Today is my daughter’s 14th Birthday. I am in such awe of her. Who she is. How she is. I am so incredibly honored to be her mom. As I write this she is laying in my bed next to me, scrolling through endless Tik Toks. I am trying to concentrate and bang something out...
What strikes me most today is just how different we are...she at 14 generally knows who she is and lives that way every single day. She is unashamed and unapologetic about who she is and seems to have this innate knowledge that took me years and years, even decades to attain...and perhaps still doesn't.
At 14, I was on my way to being a complete mess. Of course, I wouldn’t have agreed with that assessment at the time. I would have argued that I was launching into my best life...how wrong that proved to be.
Today I am so grateful that I got recovery long before she was born. I certainly haven’t been a perfect mother to her, but I have done so much better than I would have had she come to me earlier in my life. I am so grateful she is who she is and that we have the relationship we do. I was always close with my mom and I am super grateful that that tradition continues.
I guess what I am most grateful today is that I am present, here for her. I show up for her every day...and that has to count for something. I am grateful that on this day, her birthday, that she wants to spend the day with me! How many mothers of 14 year olds can say that? I have offered to take her to the mall to go shopping...she declined. When asked what she wants to do with this day...she tells me that she doesn’t care, she just wants to spend it with me. And that brings me to tears...
I am not sure what I did in this life and my fucked up living of it to deserve her as my daughter but I am forever grateful. I am grateful to be here, with her, ready to take this day on, doing whatever it is she wants to do...
I am so grateful for having this amazing, smart, funny, beautiful soul as my daughter and I will continue to live the rest of my days being honored to be her mom. Happy Birthday Sweetheart!
