I a m d r a g g i n g s o h a r d t o d a y...
My power is out literally and figuratively. I have laptop power but no ability to make coffee and I don’t think that I ever realized how much I depend on that morning cup o’ joe to get me going. I am writing but spoiler alert, I don’t have my A game today...I don’t have my C game which is why I don’t have my A game.
Coffee apparently is the lifeblood of my morning while Diet Coke rules my days. I wind the day down with water but need the ampage of stimulating caffeine to get me moving. Quite literally my life is run by that first cup of coffee...and I am totally lagging without it.
Another addiction exposed I guess. Now this one never made me lose a job or sleep with someone that I shouldn’t...so I guess on the destructiveness scale, we are over towards the relatively harmless.
But I want to be clear in my admission that I feel foggy and tired and like I could just shut my eyes and fall back into blissful slumber. So much so that I am pouring out words on this screen that make little sense and have absolutely no literary content...
And prayers are answered with the flip of a switch and Edison has bestowed me with the ability to start the day. I no longer have to lie here torturing us all with my writing lameness, I can go genuflect to the Almighty Keurig on the kitchen altar...
I am back, cup in hand. Please hold while I ingest the nectar of all things speedy. I can feel the energy hit my brain and send impulses to my fingertips which helps me to see that my writing today is crap but it is all I have so I keep going. I am sure that I lost many of you about four paragraphs back...
I feel like I am coming to life again...I laid in the dark hitting snooze for over an hour this morning...that is how upset I was that I could not go make coffee. I felt like my purpose was hindered, altered and like getting out of bed was really useless.
I learned something today, that really it isn’t my commitments or writing or yoga or meditation or a hike or another being that makes me get out of bed every day and begin anew...it is coffee every damn day. I didn’t realize how much I live for the stumbling and fumbling towards the kitchen all in an effort to wake myself and shake out the cobwebs...but this morning made it clear that I may enjoy other things throughout the day...but I wake solely for the pleasure of a cup of coffee in my hand while my head orients toward the daylight.
Now my main and all consuming goal is not to overshoot the mark...if I have too much coffee no one likes me, including me. I am so ramped up that I am like trying to talk to a freight train engineer as they speed through a station...you may see me and try to communicate, but I am way too fast for you to actually have any of your words or feelings hit me...It has actually been requested at my office that I not have more than a cup or two...and I see why. There is a very short and stinted window of me totally asleep at the switch and so overly caffeinated that I completely unproductive and aggro...
So I sit here in my bed, writing crap, drinking coffee watching night turn into day. I am so happy to be right here, waking up to the day with my muse and lifeblood coffee...savoring every single perfect drop like any good addict will do. I can feel my mind popping into consciousness and realize that I likely should have waited to commit thoughts to the page...then again, some of the most beautiful odes were written on the cusp of addictive longing. I know, who am I kidding?
So this is what I have today, an addict’s rant about her drug of choice. Sometimes you just gotta own your shit...today I will own that I would really like an IV drip to mainline the highly caffeinated goodness. Pump it to my core to invigorate my mind and body so that I can feel the life coursing through my veins...well, at least I can feel the chemicals doing their thing, and I guess that is my lifeblood stand in today. I will take it. Thank you Edison for only delaying my dosing for an hour...it was a good thing for both of us...you would have gotten a call...likely from several people upset with my lack of focus and ability to stay the day’s course. Thankfully for us all, all is right with my world, as I imbibe my fuel to start the day...
