Florida Son...

I leave this morning for Florida to see my son for his 20th birthday.  It was a couple of days ago, but we are celebrating this weekend.  I am filled with a bunch of mixed emotions.  It is always so hard for me to leave home, once I am gone, it is fine.  But it is the leaving that is painful.  I’m such a homebody with a travel obsession.  Just another paradox of Erin. I swear, I am contrary about everything, even myself.

I rented a condo on the beach in Pensacola Beach and am so looking forward to spending a few days with down time, to just relax and not do very much.  I need that. It is supposed to rain all weekend, of course.  Welcome to Florida.  But since it is Florida, that could mean anything:  small showers all day long, or pouring rain all weekend.  I pray that there is enough good weather for us to get in at least a little beach time.

I thought about trying to see if there was an FSU football game this weekend in Tally but then I thought about driving 6 hours there and back and decided against it.  I need rest, not insanity with lots of driving.  So many of my vacations are really non-stop adventures, I am looking forward to a few days of good old fashioned down time with my kid.

Life is moving slowly these days but also feels like it is speeding up.  I can’t explain it really.  I am tired all the time and so doing less than normal but I still feel like the pressure is on.  Perhaps the end of the year crush is just starting earlier?

It will be good to spend a little time in Florida and I have always loved Pensacola area.  So pretty and so much to do.  More than anything else I can’t wait to meet this version of my son.  Every time we spend time apart and reconnect, he is different.  I mean, he is the same in many ways as he has always been, but he is also a more grown up version of himself and I have not yet met this Navy guy he is currently learning how to be.  I am excited for that.

I also get to spend some time with a friend/sponsee I haven’t seen since I left Tallahassee in 2015.  I am very much looking forward to spending time with her as well.  It will be so good to meet all her people and just enjoy the down time. 

If I am really honest, I am looking forward to sleeping, chilling by the pool or on the beach and soaking up two people I adore.  I have no other intentions or plans.  There is nowhere I need to be, and nowhere I need to go.  I love that.

My son will graduate in October and get stationed somewhere in the world so I am grateful I am getting to spend this time with him now, there, back in a part of the world I once called home. I know you can’t go home again, but sometimes, it is nice to visit.

Florida is where I began my recovery journey and I am grateful to be able to plug back in and in some ways revisit the person I was back then and see how much I have changed in the intervening 30 years.

In short, I am grateful for this life.  I am grateful for this opportunity to see my kid in his new habitat and life and celebrate him making it to 20 and all he has accomplished this past year.  I am so looking forward to hugging him tonight!

I am grateful for this life, my ability to show up for it and the wherewithal to find peace, comfort, and serenity within the calamity of life’s chaos and insanity.  And this weekend I am really looking forward to spending time in the Florida sun with my son.